Monday, January 30, 2017

The Pregnancy Chronicles: 16 Weeks

With Jayce's pregnancy I updated the blog on all things pregnant lady every two weeks, no offense baby girl when you read this in 20 years, but that's not happening! I'm locking myself into an every month update until she arrives.

The Pregnancy Chronicles

How far along?
16 weeks plus a day, but honestly I feel like I've been pregnant FOREVER! Something about finding out an entire week before your missed period makes it seem extra long!

Baby's size?
A dill pickle, an action figure or some weird rodent; but let's just stick with a pickle! 

Weight gain?
No clue, and honestly I plan on keeping it that way throughout my pregnancy. I stress on that shit, and I've decided out of all the irons I have in the fire, that is not one I need. So peace out scale! The nurse just laughs as I take off every (within reason) piece of clothing and shoes (even my flip flops) before backing up onto that dreaded machine!

Over the last two weeks my nausea finally subsided and my headaches have tapered off. There are still some aversions though that send me over the edge; like when my husband tried to force feed me STORE BOUGHT PREPACKAGED guacamole! YUCK! It looked like baby shit and honestly it should be a sin to even sell guacamole in a sour cream looking container!

Current mood?
Yuck. Is that a mood? I feel like it can be. I'm just not myself. With my previous pregnancies, I was a dream! I wasn't really THAT moody (my mother and husband might disagree), and I felt great. This round I'm just a mess. I'm lacking every ounce of self-confidence that I typically have; my puberty like skin probably isn't helping things. I also have next to zero energy, it's like the first trimester is never ending.

Best moment this month?
Finding out that this little human was a girl! I'm still completely over the moon about it!

We got her car seat! We went with the Chicco Keyfit 30, because since I'll be having another c-section, I wanted something light! Unfortunately we sold most of our baby stuff after Jayce, so we are having to get new. Damn! Shucks! .......Yay! Let it rain pink and sparkles!!!

Sushi, pie and cereal! I've only given into the cereal though!

My doctor can call my crazy, but I swear I've felt her since 13 weeks! Nothing crazy, but when I lay down at night she starts barrel rolling (or at least that's what it feels like). No, it isn't gas. I still don't understand how people confuse the two! I'm sure she'll start really kicking in the next couple weeks though!

I'm up once a night to pee, and eight million to deal with all my other non-sleeping children. I take naps nearly every day!

Missing anything?
This will make me sound like I have a problem, but I really want a beer. I don't want a case, just like 1-3! No, I'm not going to go buy some non-alcoholic junk, it's like decaf coffee, what's the point?! I'll just long for the first cold sip at the end of July!

Looking forward to.....
Our anatomy scan will be in the next month or so and that's my favorite! Until then, I feel like this little person is a mystery. Once I see that everything is healthy and doing what it's suppose to, my mind eases a bit!

Bump Picture:

Girlfriend is lower than the boys ever were! But to be 100% honest, these bump shots are hard for me to take. I'm not "in love" with my pregnant self and my 12 chins (notice the phone placement) like people say you should be. I will document though, because it's unfair for her not to, and I know I will look back on these pictures and be thankful I gritted my teeth through them!

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Sunday, January 29, 2017

The Cure for Teen Pregnancy is Three Feet Tall

In high school, I took a class where I had to carry around a robot baby for a week. It cried for the various needs it had and I had to take care of it by putting a key in it's back. Do you know what doesn't have a key in their back? A three year old!

I think that teenagers should have to take care of a three year old for a few days! I'm sure the little one's parents are more than willing to take a break from their demanding child, and really, it's helping America!

Three is a hard age. I want to pull my hair out at least every other minute of the day, and that only increases when we go out in public. Anyone who says that the twos are terrible, hasn't hit the threes yet!

There are a few things that all teens would face during their "Threenager Time," none of which a key to their back will fix. {If someone would like to invent that though, I'll be the first customer!}

They don't give a fuck about anyone or anything. Yes, they sometimes are very sweet and lovable, but they will also slice your throat, with their pretend kitchen knife, if you even think of cutting their food up. They also won't hesitate to flush random objects in the toilet to see what dad's reaction is to the flood.

Newborns sleep better than three year olds. Newborns are hard, really freaking hard, we can all agree on that. We can also agree that feeding the baby, changing it's diaper or just holding the little bundle solves most of their middle of the night screaming. Threenagers talk, about their blankets falling off their bed, how they peed or why the sun isn't up yet. There aren't very many quick fixes for this, and it definitely results in crappy sleep for all parties involved!

Public places are their stage. Taking an unruly three year old in public is sure to result in some sort of fit. If there is an audience, there will surely be show. My personal favorites are the spaghetti limbs in the middle of a parking lot resulting in carrying a screaming limp child over my shoulder or a continuous scream/cry combo that vibrates the ceiling tiles of Target and that doesn't stop until we leave and no one is watching.

Now you may ask yourself, "How can this stop teens for having babies?"

Teenagers care about three things; their things, their sleep, and how they look in public. A threenager can squash all of those!

So I currently have one available for loan to any parent who wants to teach their teenagers what doing the humpty hump actually results in!

Disclaimer: I love my children, I'd just like them not be assholes all the time. It's just a stage, yes. But if I said I hadn't Googled "threenager boarding schools," I'd be lying.

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Friday, January 20, 2017

The Last Member of Team Snyder is a.......

Well hello from the hormonal roller-coaster I call pregnancy!

This pregnancy has been rough on mama! I've had constant migraines, terrible acne and nonstop nausea. Basically I'm a walking hot crabby mess! Thankfully the hubs has been a rock star and has been picking up the slack!

When I was at my OB appointment last week, he offered me the Harmony Test. It's a genetic test that tests for down syndrome and two other genetic disorders. I quickly refused, because we had refused genetic testing for the boys. Results of those tests wouldn't change anything for us. Then he mentioned how this test was just a blood test, and it also gave the gender with 99% accuracy.

My ears perked up, and my grouchy attitude turned around. I could know the sex of the baby in 5-10 days without question?! Sign me up!

The drew my blood and the wait began.
Boy or Girl?! What would it be?!

Longest. Week. Ever.

So here I sat on this Friday morning, not wanting to go into the weekend still not knowing, but also not wanting to bug the doctor's office. I decided they are getting paid to deal with annoying impatient people, my husband ---who's sick of hearing about the gender test--- doesn't get compensated, so I called!

"Oh yeah, we've got your results in! Genetic abnormality risk is low, which is what you want."

Yay! I'm glad to know things are healthy, but cut to the chase lady!

"Do you want to know the sex?"

Uhhh are you serious right now? Of course I do. It's the whole reason I did the test!

"Are you sure?"

Remind me to not bring treats to you next time I'm in, get to it already!


I screamed in the car, scared the shit out of the boys and nearly crashed into a ditch! I also believe pink glitter, fingernail polish, Barbies, unicorns and tutus came falling down from the sky!

OH EMM GEE!!!!!!!!!!!! I honestly never thought I'd get my girl! But looking at this pregnancy thus far, I'm not entirely surprised! She's already stamping her rule on this family and she isn't even here yet. My world revolves on the level of misery I feel each day, which I'm is here way of bringing me to my knees to take my role as Queen of the House. Girlfriend, if you would just let me feel better, it's all yours! Honestly, being the center of all the boys' attention is exhausting, I'm okay to share the limelight!

The best thing I did after I got the news, I called my mom! I told her that I knew, but that she'd have to wait till tonight after I told the hubs to find out. I think if she could've reached through the phone and slapped me, she would've; and I loved it!

Now for the record, the Middles have been saying all along that there's a baby girl in mama's belly. I think kids know this shit! They predicted Jayce as a brother too!

I'm still in shock as I write this. I don't know how to dress a little girl or parent her. I'm afraid we won't wipe right and she'll get some sort of nasty infection. Or that she'll know more about the male anatomy than most little girls by the time preschool comes around. These are all rational fears that seasoned boy moms have when they finally get a girl, right?

So below is how I told Jason about the new woman in his life! Nothing fancy! But the bathroom is always his first stop when he gets home, so it felt like the appropriate place to reveal to him. After all, they'll need to be considerate of another lady in the house and put the seat down!

Those sparkly little shoes called my name today! Whether she ever wears them or not, she needed them!

Small odd shape balloon in the sink is courtesy of Kayden assisting in the blowing up of balloons!

Coming round the corner is finalizing her name! We already have a pretty good idea of it, just giving it some time to set in!

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Friday, January 13, 2017

The Days When It's All Falling Apart

Some weeks I crush this thing called Motherhood, other weeks, I'm excited everyone survived till bedtime without any major injuries.

Lately, it's the latter.

We've been busy. Super freaking busy. We've had doctor appointments, therapy days, wrestling practice, school drop-offs and pick-ups, PLUS a house to keep from falling down into a blaze of glory.

Basically burning the candle at both ends repeatedly.

So today I sit here in my pajamas, on my kitchen floor "office" without a bra on and a mud mask on my face that scares my children, telling you real life happens to everyone. I'm a mess. I'm hoping by the time I get to the bottom of this cup of hot tea I'm chugging, I'll be right with the world- for today.

I've had weeks like this before, and currently I'm blaming these excruciating migraines I've been dealing with during this pregnancy. The thing about weeks like this, when the world seems to be falling apart at the seams, it turns around. It's not always like this, and that's what I'm currently clinging to, like how my children cling to my leg when I try to pee alone. Death grip.

If you are reading this in your jammies with your mammaries free roaming while Googling "how to stop your children from being assholes," I see you. I am you. I possibly Googled that at 7:14am this morning while my youngest two were already fighting. But it will get better. It has to. If it didn't the human race wouldn't currently exist or kindergarten classes would only be filled with the biggest a-hole children who killed off everyone else.

This is how I'm rectifying the "life is falling apart" problem at the moment. Low expectations. If you follow me on Instagram and watch my stories, you know I gave myself three goals for today.

1. Don't leave the house or wear a bra. (check and check)

2. Write a blog today---this is my outlet in life and I needed to do something for me. (check)

3. Keep everyone alive. (currently in progress, touch and go at the moment)

I'm not hoping for miracles today. I don't expect for the children to be angels, everyone to eat the food I cook or to bedtime to go off without a hitch. But for TODAY, if  I don't expect much, I can't get mad or stressed about what's not getting done, and I think that's been my problem lately. I've expected a lot from myself and family lately and have been losing my shit when it doesn't happen.

Guess what? Tomorrow is a new day. It can be great, or just okay, and that's fine.

Set yourself a goal today and stick to it! Leave me a comment and tell me what it is! I hold ya to it!

I better go wash this mask off before my face falls off! Have a great day everyone!

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