Sunday, November 6, 2016

Sorry to Burst Your Bubble; It DOESN'T Get Easier!

There was that moment when the baby wasn't sleeping at the night or when the toddler was melting down on the floor of the grocery store and some well intentioned person said, "It'll get easier!"

That little quote has been my internal mantra for nearly the last 3 1/2 years while raising my 4 boys under the age of 7.

Sleepless night; it'll get easier.

Piles of laundry; it'll get easier.

Dinner all over the floor; it'll get easier.

Toddler meltdown; it'll get easier.

I'm sorry to burst every one's bubble...


It doesn't!

I'm not a "pro parent" by any means, but parenting doesn't get easier. In recent weeks I've realized that it just evolves. One hard things morphs into another hard thing!

Sleepless Nights
Newborns are honestly SO much work! And I was convinced once I got everyone sleeping through the night I'd be guaranteed blissful uninterrupted hours at night! NOPE! Once I got the baby sleeping at night we started to have the toddler waking up to pee; which actually is just him telling me that he pissed the bed.
*knock knock*
"What's wrong buddy?"
"Oh I just peed. I'll go sleep in the dry spot."
---clearly waking me wasn't necessary, but no worries. It'll only take me 49 minutes to go back to sleep---*eye roll*

The Baby Won't Self-Entertain
As much as I loved itty bitty baby snuggles, there were moments that I would've liked to lay him down without fussing; cooking dinner, peeing, or keeping my other kids from killing each other. Now I realize that the whole "self-entertain" idea is dumb and I would've never wished this upon myself. Self-entertaining is; playing in the toilet water that someone forgot to flush, flipping the light switch like we are at a rave, or taking off every stitch of clothing only to pee on the floor while playing in the stream. Clearly this entertains him, but not me in the slightest!

Meal Times
I looked forward to the days when we would be done with "baby food." It would be SO much easier because everyone would be eating the same thing, etc. etc.
Oh but now, in order to avoid a scene out of Saving Private Ryan, we have to be sure that everyone has the same number of things (I'm regretting teaching them to count), nothing is accidentally ripped/torn, food doesn't touch, sauces are available and there are enough extras that everyone can have some...even though they will be "full" immediately after it is placed on their plate.

Toddler Meltdowns
Yes, my kids still have meltdowns. I've realized though that they are changing. Now, when kids learn how to express their emotions, they like to "use their words." And holy hell can they use those effectively! "Mom! It makes me VERY angry you took my toy away. I was just trying to brush his hair with the (toy) hammer. Maybe you should go take a timeout for taking my toy! It's not nice to take toys!"
Maybe you should stop being an asshole to your brother, just a thought.

With every child and every diaper change I've always wished, hoped and prayed for everyone to learn to shit in the potty. I now take that all back! I think life would be easier if we were all still in diapers. I mean today I cleaned the bathrooms for the week. It still smelled like fucking glorious bleach when I heard, "Uhhh mom I peed all over the floor. I got to busy and it just came out in front of the toilet."
---17 minutes after cleaning it up---
"Mommy (different child), I didn't make it in the water. I painted the wall with pee though."
---an hour later, bleach smell is still present---
"Mom I pooped, please wipe my butt. (child is bent over) Mom, there's poop on the bottom of the toilet!"
For fucks sake children! This is why we can't have nice things or have people come over to our house. No matter how much I clean, it still smells like a porta potty!

This parenting gig is tough as hell, but you've got this! I'm going to clean the fecal matter off of a toilet again!

I'm sure there are a zillion different things that evolve but never actually get "easier." Leave me a comment and tell me what has changed for you and share this with a friend! Give someone else a smile at my misery!

Self-entertaining gone array....

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