Wednesday, October 12, 2016

On the Days I Wonder "What If"

Everyone does it. It's normal. Something happens or your mind is too quiet or too loud and you think, what if?

I tend to think this when we have really good days and on really tough days.

What if we hadn't struggled with infertility?
What if we hadn't gone into foster care?
What if I hadn't answered the phone and said yes when we got the call for the boys?
What if they had gone back to their biological parents?
What if we hadn't had a miscarriage after Layne?
What if we decided to not try again?

And all of those "what ifs" bring tears to my eyes. There was pain and fear behind every single one of those. There was also the unknown of what was to come or what could've been.

For the first time ever {and I feel terrible admitting this} I recently enjoyed my entire family all at the same time doing the same activity, and it put all of those "what ifs" out the window.

We took the boys to the pumpkin patch, it's our yearly tradition, and we played and snacked and laughed and ran and then played some more. Everyone was smiling and everyone was having fun, even me!

Because happy jumps don't focus!
Or joyful slide rides!
Typically I'm forced into mothering the whole crew; diaper changes, snacks, disciplining, etc. And although all of that happened, it was not a "job" for the first time in my parenting career. The kids were *gasp* EASY! It never happens but it made our day magical! I rode the big slide with the middles, Jason and I chased all four of the boys around in a giant foam ball room, and then I jumped on the bouncing pillows with them.

Dad assisted on the obstacle course!
It warmed my heart beyond belief that we were all together and present in the moment. I now realize  that all of the headaches, struggles and heartaches we have gone through was to bring us to this point. Those big blind leaps of faith we had to take early on put us on this path that we are on now, and it is right where we are suppose to be.

So to anyone struggling with making tough life decisions, follow your gut and take the leap! You are sure to land on your own path that was meant just for you!

And as for me as a blogger, things are going to be changing up a bit! I taking a step into something new and praying I don't fail! Be on the look out soon for some fun stuff, I might even be able to help you Christmas shop for the women in your life!

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  1. I love reading your blog! You are a GREAT Mother!

  2. This is so sweet. Everything definitely happens for a reason. Thanks for sharing!

  3. You spoke straight to my heart. After our last miscarriage, we are heavily considering adoption. The what ifs plague our minds right now. Thank you for being honest and sharing.

  4. Looks like a fun day at the patch! I agree with you, always follow your gut!

  5. Oh those what ifs moments! We just have to remember that everything happens for a reason and we are right where we are supposed to be!

  6. I'm a what-if-er too. Such a fun day and isn't it amazing when the kids are amazing! Good luck on your new venture!

  7. Thank you for being so open and sharing this with us! I completely agree with you to always follow your gut!

  8. Glad your family had an amazing time at the Pumpkin Patch. I hope parenthood continues to get easier for you. The rough times really make us appreciate and cherish the great times.

  9. Looks like so much fun. And there are so many times I've questioned my 'path.' but you're totally right. i'm right where i'm supposed to be!

  10. Thank you for your honesty & sharing! I completely agree with you to always follow your gut!

  11. So excited for you, can't wait to hear more!

  12. it's always hard not to second guess and wonder, I think we are all guilty of it! everything happens for a reason mama!

  13. Such a great post! So glad you enjoyed your time together at the pumpkin patch!

  14. Always follow your gut! Looks like they had fun in those pictures

  15. Looks like you guys had a great time!! It's human nature to always wonder, what if :)

  16. Some days I what if myself to death!! I love this! Your family is wonderful

  17. Fabulous post mama! You have such a beautiful family! I'm excited to see what you have planned for future posts.