The Day My Husband Broke My Heart

Being a mom is really hard, add staying home with all the crazies, even harder! But this week I realized that being a dad who works hard, is equally, if not even more difficult.

It was Tuesday morning, he was headed out the door for the second week out of the last three. Typically he leaves before the boys get up, but he had to stop back by the house before leaving. The kids were up when he came inside. He explained how he had to go out of town for work again.

The baby was crying, so daddy picked him up. He laid his head on daddy's shoulder and was gripping onto his shirt.

Another little person was crying and begging him not to leave again.

I hugged and kissed my husband good-bye for the week and said, "I love you. Be safe and we'll see you on Friday!" And then he was gone, but he seemed bothered by something. I assumed it was me.

I texted him a short while later and apologized that I was a little crabby and acting frazzled. He quickly responded assuring me that it was hard for him to leave because of the way the kids were clinging onto him.

My heart broke.

I sit here and whine and complain about running errands, rarely getting a break, kids being off the walls and all of the daily things I have to get done to keep the house up and running. All the while I ignored how he felt. He leaves me here to care for our babies; to make sure the fort is held down while he earns a living that allows us to keep our life running the way it does.

He missed the first day of preschool. He missed swim lessons this week. He missed being on the front line of our first trip to the doctor with a broken bone. He didn't want to, but he had to.

I now understand what that look I saw in his face when he left on Tuesday was. He was father who was sad. It wasn't the look of a man, or my husband, but that of a father who wanted to do nothing more than sit there and hold his babies forever and never leave.

Now the countdown of the week is over and he's back! The saying, "distance makes the heart grow fonder," is true!

When the door opened screeches for daddy rang through our halls. Hugs and kisses were given like mad and demands for Lego building started.

My heart nearly burst! So much love!

I'm sorry for every resenting all the time I spend with our kids. I'm sorry that I get annoyed that you get to leave. I'm blessed. In an ideal situation both parents would be able to make every event, see every milestone, experience every tough parenting moment and give bedtime kisses every night. That isn't our case, but I'm still in love with life and the man I've chose to walk through this journey with.

To all of the moms barely holding life at home together while your spouse is away, you've got this! May the naps be long and your wine glass full!

To all of the hardworking parents who miss more things than they'd like to, it's ok! Don't beat yourself up, make the moments you are there count for all it's worth! They love you regardless!

To my love (if you've read all the way to the end of this), I love you more and more every day! You are the best daddy I could ever wish for our babies to have! Now only if you'd let me have 12 more!!!

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