Tuesday, June 14, 2016

What's That Clapping Noise? Oh...My Boobs!

I recently had a garage sale, and the sole purpose of me selling all of our shit was for me to fund a trampoline for the boys. Exercise plus burning up some of their energy, it was a win win in my book! Could we've bought it without the sale? Yes, but the hubs wasn't completely on board with it, let alone funding it. So I spent days prepping and then nearly melted into the cement the day of the sale. BUT hard work paid off and I "raised" enough money to buy it for the boys.

Now parents don't usually talk about how their kids are sometimes a great excuse to buy or do things they secretly want for themselves. I've wanted a trampoline FOREVER, but couldn't justify it until the kids were actually big enough! Well mama went and bought it yesterday and the hubs spent all evening putting it together. I was SO excited to jump on it with Kayden that I couldn't stop laughing while we were on it! Then something happened.

I heard this clapping noise, like that noise you might hear when on an X-rated movie, I immediately stopped jumping, and the noise stopped. I started jumping again and then I heard it again! I shit you not, my tank top melons were giving me a round of applause every time I bounced up and down. I assumed it was a fluke, but decided to not risk a black eye and got off.

This afternoon Kayden wanted me to get back on the tramp with him. I obliged him after strapping the girls down. I could see the headline now, "3 Year Old Knocked Unconscious by Mom's DDD," we didn't need that!

Kayden, "Mom you are going to knock me over! You jump, I'll sit here and hold on!" Ignore my obnoxiously overexcited face!
He kept telling me to jump higher and higher, well what goes up must come down.......boobs included! And there's the whole "an object in motion will stay in motion." Well those objects were stopped by my chin. How in the fuck is that even possible?! Seriously though!

It's like all my teenage dreams have been crushed! I just wanted a trampoline to jump on like those girls from that old show for guys, The Man Show. Well minus the bikini, plus some cellulite, oh and a couple gray hairs. Ok so nothing like those girls, besides the up and down part. But still! And here I am coming to grips with the fact that a mother of four who can't buy bras at a regular store, and has too delicate of skin to duct tape them down, just shouldn't jump!

Is this hiccup going to keep me off of it? No. I might just have to tuck one under each armpit to hold them down. Ok, I'm joking, I can't really tuck them that far, but if gravity keeps being a bitch, I'm sure I'll get there!

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  1. Girl, don't feel bad. I have an A cup and can't handle a trampoline. Every time we visit relatives with one and I bounce my kids, I swear my uterus jiggles out of place a little. I'm waiting for it to just fall out one day! lol

  2. That is hilarious. As a mom, I get it. Thanks for sharing.