Sunday, February 7, 2016

The 5 Types of Women at a "Toy" Party

Mama Bear got out the other night and I ventured out to a "toy" party for ladies! Nothing like some vibrators, lube and wine! I only knew the host and consultant (of course I would know the consultant!), anyways, this allowed for me to survey the group. I categorized the ladies into 5 groups.

The Consultant
This lady has got her shit together! Anyone that can talk about pea size amounts of things you insert knuckle deep, followed by butt plugs....they're a badass! I like to think that the consultant has the most epic sex life ever, whether with someone, or on their own! After all, I'm sure there is some sort of discount they receive on all the buzzing items!

The Virgin
Whether these girls are actual virgins or not, they sort of act like it. With every mention of clitoris, they get this look on their face like, "Do I have one of those?!" Or when the the vibrator gets passed around the circle, they hold it like fire will strike down on them from the heavens if they act intrigued by it!

The Mother
It never fails, the host's mother is always there. It makes for awkward moments where the mother is embarassed by something the daughter says or talks about what she's done in the bedroom or vise versa. I cringe at the thought of anything that my mother might do behind closed doors, and because of that, I'm certain I'm a product of immaculate conception!

The Experimenter
Every time a new product is mentioned, this girl wants to know size/shape/uses/battery requirements/etc. I'm sure that this girl spends the most at these parties, because she's just got to try it all! She wants her nips tingling, her lady parts burning, and her man's banana to taste like cake! I like to say in my early twenties I was this gal, with age....I'm less cool now!

The Pro
She's got an item from each page....or 6. She'll give her first hand experience to the group and convince them of everything that they need, obviously this gal is The Consultant's bestie! I'm sure this lady is a total freak in the sack! Anyone who owns the tie down handcuffs, several c-rings, and a vibrator from each page....she's got her sex life in check! I aspire to be this lady again!

So the next time you get an invite to one of these parties, don't decline, go! If not for the booze and products, go for the people watching! See what type of ladies you surround yourself with! Which type are you!?

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  1. Haha! "Do I have one of those?"
    I wish women could be as open about sexuality as men - it's not that taboo anymore.
    I love this post haha.

  2. Yep, that about covers it! I worked at an "adult novelty" store for a while, definitely similar. We had a lot of people who were shy and would try to whisper - that's when I'd (literally) yell out PENIS! VAGINA! and encourage them to speak freely.

  3. Bahahaha this is great. Cracking up over here. "...and her man's banana to taste like cake!"

  4. So true! Though, I alway have people tell me that I must have the best sex life ever because I am a consultant. In reality, it is pretty vanilla, but the relationship is beautiful. That's what sexual openness is really about - truly intimate relationships. If you can talk about butt plugs with your partner (even if you don't use them!), you can talk about anything!

  5. I'm here reading and trying to fit myself into one of these categories, unsuccessfully! lol I'd say I'm The Mother, but my kid is not in that age to embarrass me yet. Yet. lol
    Awesome post!

  6. Haha, yup! I've been to one party. I was pretty shy. But there were some who wanted it all.

  7. I initially clicked on the link because I thought it was going to be a types of women at a toy party... as in discovery kids toys! So when I read the first sentence I thought, "This is so much better!" LOL
    Thanks for the laugh!!
    Have a great weekend!