Sunday, January 31, 2016

#GoingWithLess


Recently I posted this picture of me and the baby on social media. I got the response of, "Oh poor tired mama, no makeup or anything."



Now the problem with that statement was.....I wasn't tired, I just chose not to put makeup on because I wasn't going anywhere. It annoyed me, but I moved on.

I then was talking to my mom, and she told me that she was on her way to a meeting but ended up cancelling it because she forgot to put her makeup on and it would be unprofessional to show up without any on. Ummmm, why?! Not every woman in the world wears makeup.

So I've decided to send a virtual middle finger to the world!

Now don't get me wrong, I LOVE makeup. I'm pretty sure I was 4 years old and doing beauty pagents when the love affair with that glorious paint began. My boys are well aware of what makeup is and tell me how beautiful I am after I put it on (maybe because I make them tell me)! But why is it when a woman decides to go without, or go with less than is normal for her, she is then told a million times how tired or sick she looks. I know makeup has been around forever in one way or another, but I didn't realize until recently how dependent everyone has become on it, including myself.

I've decided to challenge myself and every other woman of the world! Can you go without makeup for an entire month? Or go with less? Eyeliner, mascara and blush (when you are see through white like myself, it becomes a necessity) are my go to items, I hate to walk out the door without either one, but I'm locking it all up for the month of February.

So here is the deal! Every day for the month of February I will be posting a picture on my Instagram  (so be sure to follow me) of myself with no makeup on. I will use #GoingWithLess.

Now I challenge you! Can you spend your month #GoingWithLess? Maybe you typically wear the whole works, can you just go with mascara? Or if you are minimal like myself, can you go without? If there is a day, or 29, that you accept my challenge, be sure to upload a picture using the hashtag #GoingWithLess so I can like it, and know that I'm not the only brave soul out there!

Share this with your friends or family, see if they can do it! It's like a group diet, but you can still eat!

 I'm not raising money for anything or supporting a specific cause, this is for no other reason than to show that a woman can spend her day #GoingWithLess while sending a big ol' middle finger to the world that makes it seem like a necessity!

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Thursday, January 28, 2016

I Could Be Skinny But.........



I weighed myself this morning while eating a brownie, and writing this while drinking a beer, maybe that's my problem.....

I use to be chunky, then got super fit and skinny, now I'm a bit doughy again. I mean, I COULD be skinny, but.......

I love brownies, cakes, pies, doughnuts, cookies, or anything else sweet.

I feel that dessert should be served first at meals. The threat of not having room for dessert is real.

Who am I kidding?! There's always room for dessert.

Bread is probably one of God's greatest gifts.

Then there is butter, no explanation needed.

I hate running, I unwilling chase children all day, why do it on purpose?!

I don't crave vegetables unless they are drenched in dressing.

Alcohol is high in calories, I have four children, children drive me to drink; therefore many calories are consumed.

I enjoy the actual act of eating and tasting good food. If I didn't enjoy it, I'd probably be my "ideal size" according to Weight Watchers.

I have no desire to wrap myself in plastic, put drops on what I eat or take pills to "get fit." Getting in shape takes hard work and dedication, and I don't think they sell that at Target.



On a body positive note, check out this smoke show that my husband gets to see every day (and ocassionally naked)! No filter, no makeup, messy hair, nursing tank, pajama shorts, and *cough* maternity underwear still! I mean see those lines on my stomach which use to be where my abs were defined. The black mark isn't a smudge on the camera, it was a poor decision I made as a teenager. Then there is that badass scar down low where I was pretty much cut in half and my babies came out of. I've got those faint-ish stretch marks all over my hips and belly that I daydream of what they could be, the way that people look at clouds and see bunnies.

I could tighten it up and get back to what I was a few years ago, but hell, I'd rather be happy! I pretty much ate air, never went out and worked out 6 days a week, no thanks! I enjoy living life much better!

I asked a couple friends their reasons for not being skinny. Their responses are exactly why we are friends!












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Monday, January 25, 2016

It Won't Last Forever



Dear Sweet Child of Mine,

Lately you've wanted to be rocked before bed. We've never rocked you before bed until now. Tonight, as I hear you lay next to your door and cry for me to rock you more, I realize it won't be forever.

Too soon you changed the word mama to mommy, and before I know it you will only call me mom.

Soon you will no longer require me to wipe your hands and face after you get done eating.

Before I know it, my kisses will not make all of your owies better, especially those on your heart.

In time you will no longer need me to read to you, instead you will read your own stories.

A time will come when I'll no longer need to help you get dressed or even pick out your clothes.

Bathtime will eventually change from play time to private time.

Your little fingerprints won't always cover the windows in the car or the surface of the table.

Mornings spent snuggling in our bed before dawn will fade to you sleeping in late.

Eventually I will not be the only woman you love or the hand you want to hold.

The day will come when the house is quiet and you are busy with your own things.

So tonight, when you cry for me to rock you, I will. I will rock you until your little eyes close and you are ready to lay in your big bed. I will rock you until you no longer want me to rock you anymore, because afterall, this won't last forever.

With tears in my eyes and I write this and I realize how quickly the years will fly by,I love you sweet child of mine, more than you will ever know!

                                                                        Love,
                                                                        Mommy


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Saturday, January 23, 2016

Why I Freed The Nipple

Hours old and the sweetest moment ever!
I rarely go in depth about breastfeeding. I'm very pro-fed babies, whether it be formula or breastmilk and hate jumping on the "what is best" drama wagon. Recently though, I had a discussion that made me defend my current nursing "situation".

Why nurse your baby without a cover?

Well......if you haven't read any of my previous posts, like this one, I'll fill you in. I'm pretty lazy when it comes to this whole child rearing thing. But in order to defend my nipple exposure, let me tell you why I don't use a cover.

It's Hot
Have you ever been dressed comfortably for the day, then every hour and half to two hours, just put a blanket on just because? No you haven't, because it's dumb, and you'll sweat.

I'm not coordinated.
I tried a cover once. I ended up getting tangled up in, felt like I was suffocating the baby and then was a hot, sweaty mess before he even latched on.

It's work. 
Using a cover is obnoxiously difficult. Total admiration for those moms that can do it make it look like a graceful process, I unfortunately am not one of those!

The baby hates it.
Have you eaten breakfast/lunch/snack/dinner under a blanket or put your head inside your shirt and fed your face? Seems absurd, right? Yeah, the screaming baby that is being forced to do that feels the same way.

Everyone has nipples. 
Are you mammal? Were you a live birth and not hatched out of an egg? If you answered yes, you have nipples, so don't act baffled if you MAYBE see a quick nipple shot when you are being a creeper and staring while I feed my baby.

Have I made my point? Breastfeeding is really hard work, let's not make it more difficult by making moms defend themselves. Don't look and it won't matter anyways! OR you can be a total extrovert like me and go tell those moms that are nursing their babies how great of a job they are doing!

To the nursing moms with or without a cover, in public or in the car, nurse on! You rock!

Just this week, and if you look real hard......you can't see anything besides cleavage! 

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Thursday, January 21, 2016

Things I Mutter As A Mother

I can only imagine the things that would be recorded if my life was a reality show, because I find myself muttering under my breath some horendous, and far from politically correct things! Here's a quick pick me up with no explanations needed! I'm sure plenty of people can relate!

What the fuck are you doing?!



Is that shit?

Where the hell is your father?!

Such an ass!

Get that out of your fucking mouth!

Maybe an early bed time tonight? Fuck, no I don't want to be up at 5am.

Does this lunch beer make me an alcholic?

Please, piss on the floor again!

Stop fucking crying, you are fine!

I'm for sure fucking them up for life!

Oh you shit on the carpet....yay!!!

Do you want to build a snowman?.....fucking Disney movies!

Please don't kill the baby!

Oh when you are a teenager, I will wake you at the piss crack of dawn just because! 

Don't wear a coat, freeze, I don't give a shit. 

Awww it's quite....shit, it's quiet, what are they doing!?

What the fuck did you flush?!



I don't want to sit in the goddamn bathroom every 10 minutes to watch you pee!

Oh you don't want to eat dinner.....starve then!

Of course you spilt your water!

Where the fuck is my birth control!?

Yes, I've said all of these in the last week or two...I was keeping a mental list. No, my children don't ever hear these, if they did, clearly fuck would be their favorite word. But thankfully, they've yet to mutter it!

Look for a new post this weekend!

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Saturday, January 16, 2016

I'm Not Crunchy.....Just Cheap & Lazy

Please for the love of mercy, clean the sand out of your lady parts and get off my back! I'm not crunchy!

Let me educate you, because clearly it is needed!

Crunchy mama defined (per Urban Dictionary): Mother who supports homebirth, breastfeeding, baby wearing, cloth diapering, co-sleeping, gentle discipline, etc. One who questions established medical authority; tends to be vegetarian and/or prepare all-organic foods.

As a mom of four kids, my parenting style is constantly envolving. Things change with time, new research supports different things, and exposure to new experiences and ideas change my way of thinking.

For anyone that isn't a regular follower, I breastfeed, baby wear, reluctantly co-sleep and just recently began cloth diapering. Apparently that last one was the one that broke the camels back! I've been told I'm a hippy, crunchy, yada yada yada........ummmm let me correct you, I'm cheap and lazy!

Baby fusses. Stick a boob in his mouth. Baby gets an owie. Stick a boob in his mouth. Baby is tired. Stick a boob in his mouth. Baby is bored and wants to pull hair. Stick a boob in his mouth. See the trend here, my sweater puppets keep me from having to symptom check other things, pretty lazy on my part, and they are free, so I enjoy the financial aspect as well!
Add, try to pay bills and baby wants to play with the paper.....here's the solution!
I've been asked a zillion times how I go out with all the kids at once by myself. My answer always begins with, "Well, Jayce goes in the Tula." The thought of carrying an infant car seat around while keeping hold of the other 2-3 kids I have with me sounds utterly exhausting. So yes, baby wearing for the win, because I don't really want to use more energy than is necessary!


Co-sleeping just happens, please see previous paragraph about what happens when the baby fusses or is tired. I don't want him to sleep in our bed, but it again, seems awfully tiring to get up and stay awake everytime he wants to eat at night, I'd rather just "open the buffet" and go back to sleep!

Love the snuggles though!
As for cloth diapering, it is SO much cheaper than disposables! (Google it, it's true) I completely regret not doing it earlier in child rearing! I'm all about saving a dime! So when people say, "OMG....you have to deal with *gasp*.....shit!" Yeah, just as much as when I clean out shitty underwear from an accident a kid had or clean it up off the floor when someone didn't make it in time. Turns out, dealing with shit is part of parenting, I'm just choosing the cheaper way!

The cute prints help too!
So no, I'm not a Crunchy Mama. I eat meat, had a c-section, yell at my kids while calling them a-holes under my breath, and vaccinate everyone!

I'm yet to find a window decal that fits my current lifestyle....... Where's the one that has all the symbols followed by "Tired Cheap Mama"!



Oh and let's not forget, I just put an amber teething necklace on the baby, because at this point I'll try anything! #teethingisabitch


Necklace is under that double chin!

To the legit Crunchy Mamas out there, you go girls! Do what you do, no judgement, it's just not me!


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Wednesday, January 13, 2016

Boudoir Photo Shoot- For Me NOT Him

Warning..... if you are reading this, you might see some suggestive cleavage! If that offends you, stop reading now and go crawl under a rock, because honestly.....cleavage is everywhere nowadays!

Recently a friend of mine who is a photographer said she was going to be doing a boudoir photoshoot one weekend in a hotel suite. When I first thought of boudoir, I thought of skanky pictures of perky tits and bubbly butts, neither of which I have.....so I imediately thought that there was no way that I could do it! Plus, what would I do with the pictures anyways?! Hang them in hallway? Ummmm I don't think my father would approve.

Then I kept thinking about it. I get to get my hair and makeup professionally done, put sexy clothes on and get pictures taken that I could give my hubby for Valentine's Day. So I signed up for it!

When the day came I had a realization, I wasn't doing this for him, although he does love them, I was doing it for me. I wanted to be pampered. I wanted to feel good about myself. I wanted a chance to wear something I usually am too tired to put on, and not having to worry about it getting covered in boogers and food. I wanted to feel sexy, something I havent felt in quite awhile. I wanted to feel confident in this body that birthed two beautiful children and is far from perfect. I wanted that moment captured.

Hair and makeup was a blast! My friend and photographer made me feel so at ease, considering I was mostly naked and a couple Janet Jackson moments were pulled. I left that hotel on a complete high, I felt so good, and I hadn't even seen any of the pictures!

I posted this photo that night.

The caption read, "Nothing can perk your day up like getting your hair and makeup professionally done followed by a photoshoot! #boudoirphotography #mamaisgettinghergrooveback #redlips"

I felt wonderful! There is not one moment where I wish I didn't do it. When I got the pictures back, I was shocked! I definetly look different then I mentally portray myself. I've always had some curves, which I embrace, (although I wouldn't mind seeing them diminish a bit) but I didn't look like the beached whale like I picture myself. It mentally made me feel like a million bucks!

I know that this type of thing isn't for everyone, but for me it was perfect! So, no, boudoir photography doesn't have to be like it was ripped from the pages of Busty Blondes or Ass And More Ass, that is intended for a male to oogle at while spending "alone time." It can be for the woman! It can help her find her groove again, because it sure helped me! 

Now I debated on posting any of my pictures, but I decided to show two that I truly love! They are soft and intimate, and make me feel like a million bucks when I look at them!



Hey mamas of the world, whether it be a photoshoot like this or just getting your nails done, do something for you!


Photos were done by Tori Bruno Photography....and no, she didn't give me anything to plug her. I'm just in love with my experience!

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Friday, January 8, 2016

Jealous Mommy

I know, in this world of everything being so politically correct, I should say that I love everyone and everything. No negative feeling should be felt, because blah blah blah.........

Well, I'm a jealous mommy, like seriously. I'm completely content (most of the time) with my current situation, so to say. I've got the 4 boys that all somehow terrorize me at one point in the day, the loving husband who works all the fucking time, and my squad of friends and family. *side note: I have no clue what a "squad" really is, I'm assuming it means group, but in an attempt to sound cool, I'm using it here. If I'm using it wrong, I don't give a shit, oh well!*

No makeup, wet hair, nearly naked children and of course, Hulk hands!

Anyways, I realized today as I was chasing our 2 and 3 year old down the long fucking hall at the mall because they REFUSED  to stay in the play area, I'm jealous of whole load of moms.

The moms that can sit nicely and drink their coffee and engage in adult conversations while their children play nicely with each other. Instead Kayden tried riding the little girl like she was a horse, then later took his shirt off like he was trying to be Channing Tatum......all while Layne ran away.

There are those moms that have lost all of their baby weight PLUS more and attribute it to breastfeeding. Nursing makes me feel like I just got done running a marathon, soooo those extra calories I burn by being a milk machine, definetly turn into calories I eat.

Perfect hair moms are the bee's knees! I currently am rocking 2-3 inches of outgrowth and it appears that "glitter" is sprouting from my part......oh wait, it's just gray! I totally girl crush on those moms who have this hair that is perfectly curled/styled, appears to never move out of place and falls perfectly into place at all times.

I'm jealous of moms of only one kid too. Now don't get me wrong, I wouldn't trade my herd for the world, but I've never had just one kid..... EVER. Today as I was chasing the boys down that long ass hallway, a mom (with only one child) said, "Isn't having a toddler hard work!?"  Mentally I flipped her off and mumbled, "Bitch please, try two!" But seriously......

Really fit moms are my idols. Like if I just follow you on Instagram and see you working out with your baby, can that just rub off on me? I don't think I have the time, patience or discipline to do any of it, but surely something can transfer off to me.......or so I like to believe.

I could probably go on and on with more, but I feel guilty even admitting to these! I guess it's okay to be jealous though, I'm not "mommy shaming" any off them, I'm just envious. It's like I want to have it all, but that's just not the case! So instead I'll just sit here listening to my children not take a nap, eat my dark chocolate and browse Pinterest for ideas of things I'll never really do or make!

*Be on the lookout for my post about the Boudior Photoshoot I did recently! Best confidence boost ever!*

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