Friday, June 19, 2015

Postpartum Realities

Life with a newborn is hard. Anyone who says it isn't, is lying. I've always said that blogging is my therapy, so here we go!

I think too often people assume a postpartum woman is to act and look like what is portrayed in the movies. Turns out that shit is fake, so let's be real!

Ready for some postpartum verbal diarrhea?

I lost all sense of modesty when I was laying naked on an operating table in front of 15 people.

I was grossed out when they handed me the baby all covered in goo.

I regret saying it was okay for a student nurse to observe everything both during labor and while we stayed. She was terrible and slow and didn't know what she was doing. I just wanted MY nurse, not her.

The ride home was the most painful and equally exhausting thing ever.

I forgot that babies have no sense of a schedule.
The faces when he is waking up are hilarious though!

Breastfeeding is a lot of work. We are currently successful, but it's only because I'm hard headed and determined to make it for awhile. PLUS with me not working, I don't want to have to budget in formula.

I'm an exhibitionist. Nursing with a cover is next to impossible, and it's fucking hot out, so I say screw it!

I don't recognize my boobs. They were so pretty before, and now, well...... I didn't know certain parts could get so large.

Even though I'm 5ish pounds from my pre-pregnancy weight, I'll be in maternity clothes for a bit and I'm a bit annoyed by it. But I remember it took a couple months for my c-section "overhang," that skin that resembles a string pressed into dough, to flatten a little. So for now, I'm embracing it!

Tummy tucks should be routine with all c-sections. I mean, they are already cutting into you!

Stretch marks look worse when they aren't stretched out on a big belly.

Cluster feeding is the Universe's way of testing my endurance.

I'm a weight Nazi. Getting him to birth weight was like winning a gold medal!

I can somewhat successfully function on a total of 5 broken hours of sleep.

The inventor of baby swings is a genius.

If it wasn't for babywearing, I'd never accomplish anything.

Jayce spends 90% of his day on my chest.

This was happening while I was writing this. 

The first 2 weeks of baby plus siblings is hell on Earth. Literally.

Cute moments did occur though!

I cried every time the baby cried.

I cried every time Layne cried because I couldn't pick him up.

I cried over literally nothing....a lot. But I'm proud to say I'm 7 days tear free. Do I get a some sort of chip?

Jayce slept on my chest until 3 nights ago. Please, report me to the "Back Is Best" police. Desperate times call for desperate measures.

Getting peed and pooped on is a regular thing. I even rocked a pee soaked t-shirt through Target.

I'm grossed out the a woman's body can bleed for so long and still be alive.

My libido disappeared. Yes, I still have 3ish weeks to wait according to the rule followers, and that's fine. My desire is literally zero.

Cleaning in general....overrated.

The first day home by myself and all the children, I felt like a bad ass everyone survived and made it to bedtime, including myself!

Taking a shower is a luxury that I have to schedule around naps and feeding times.

Some days, I forget to brush my teeth.

I'd like to hire a nanny. Actually a nanny intern, because it's not a paying job. That could be a real thing, right?!

I know I need to cherish all the snuggles, but I look forward to the stage when crying, pooping, and sleeping aren't all that he does.

99% sure we are done with babies. That damn 1% though!

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