Friday, January 2, 2015

The Sh*t They Didn't Tell Me- 6 Months As A SAHM

So here I am just over 6 official months with my new job title, stay-at-home mom (or SAHM if you are into the whole acronym thing)! I've had a lot of mixed emotions as the months have gone on, some of which may be pregnancy hormones, but definitely not all of them. I wasn't sure if today was the best day to write this update, as the likelihood for me to rip someone's head off before midnight is entirely possibly, but this blog is honestly therapy for me. I would imagine the "high" I feel after my brain "vomit" is the equivalent to the way drug addicts feel when they get their rush.......minus the fact that I don't drink (wish I could though), take pills, snort, smoke or shoot's practically the same thing!

I feel like everyone I know, or pretend to know (after all we are Facebook friends) is pregnant. Some people are completely excited, and some are scared shitless (as you should be, because newborns are tough as hell). Some people plan on working and some will stay home after the baby comes.  And although I'm like a rookie when it comes to the whole parenting thing (birth till 18ish years), I like to think of myself as a seasoned vet of babies and toddlers....and now being a stay-at-home mom. I would like to share with you what I've learned over the last 6 months.

1. Kids don't give a shit
It sounds harsh, but it's true. They don't care if I just mopped the floor, they will throw their food on the floor and spill their milk all at the same time, look at me, say sorry, then smile. And dammit, that smile and cute little voice usually gets me. They also don't care if I'm tired, sick, annoyed, busy, moody, etc........they still expect to be fed, changed, bathed, and entertained for all of their waking hours.

2. Cleaning is a joke
Seriously, don't ever think that your house will be "white glove clean" if you stay-at-home. I've realized that we are home more now than we have ever been, and thus the kids make more messes than I can keep up with. Some days, making sure that the floor gets swept after dinner is a chore in itself. The hubs always tells me to relax about the cleaning, but I still struggle. Clutter and chaos wears on my nerves and sends me into a high anxiety state of mind, So I put blinders on....and pretend that I don't see the absolute disaster in the next room.

The current chaos in our other living room/play area! Clean it up and it looks like this in an hour!

3. Scheduling "Me Time"
For my own sanity, I have to have some time for myself to get away from the endless sticky hands and shitty diapers. This is when part of me wishes I still worked, so that for 8 hours I could focus on something else. But none the less, I literally have to schedule it. Currently "me time" has been Sunday mornings when I get to go to the grocery store alone. Doesn't sound very glamorous, and it's not, but it's a breather! Maybe one day my husband will surprise me with an entire day at the spa for myself and then a hotel room where I can sit in the quiet all night's always nice to dream!

4. Mental breaks are REAL
I lose my shit a lot, no seriously, A LOT. When the kids have been needy jerks all day and I had a list of things I wanted to get done, but instead got none of it done (like today), I lose it. I cry. I send texts to my husbands that I shouldn't. I yell at the kids. And then when they go to bed, I feel guilty as hell about it. It is days like this that I want to punch all the people that say "they grow up so fast" or "cherish the little things." I love my babies, but some times mama is going to be crazy for a bit, act like a fool and then kiss you and send you off to bed!

5. I don't clock out
People always say that being a mom is a 24/7 job, but being a stay-at-home mom is literally a 24/7 job. I don't get the luxury of clocking in and clocking out. A kid decides they are going to get up an hour before they usually do....that hour early I got up to be alone, drink coffee and watch the news just went out the window. Kids go to bed, and there are still dishes to do, laundry to fold and the whole fucking list that I didn't accomplish when they were being demons all day. If 6pm came and I could just sit down and say that I was done for the day, that would be great, but let's me real, it will never happen.

6. I'm the first
It sounds like there are a lot of things I hate about my job, but it isn't all bad. I love that I was the first to see Layne crawl, eat table food, take his first steps, say his first words and teach him all sorts of super cute things. I couldn't imagine having day care be that "first" person for everything.

7. Stretchy pants
Yeah I'm fat and pregnant right now, and yes, I do love maternity clothes. But there were a few months that I was home and not pregnant! Being able to justify wearing stretchy pants every day is amazing! It would be difficult to fly upstairs in 2 steps, roll on the floor with the kids, or save multiple lives in a skirt or dress pants!

8. Make-up is a joke
I don't wear it unless there is a chance that I MIGHT run into someone I know while running whatever errands we need to do that day. This is something that I never thought I would say. I was a makeup fanatic and wouldn't walk out the door without it on! It's not because I'm "letting myself go," it's because it isn't necessary. I don't see the sense in taking the time to do up my face when the 4 men I will see all day have seen me in much worse, and yet they all still love me.

9. Constant mommy guilt/paranoia
It sounds weird I know, but it is so true. I constantly feel guilty that I didn't get in the solid 20 minutes of reading to the kids or that Kayden still only knows 1, 2, 3. I compare myself to other moms who are home with their kids and they are doing all of these wonderful things. Their kids know the ABCs, can count to 20, blah blah blah.....and here I am just happy that my boys give each other kisses, say please and thank you and know "I be nice to mama." As a recovering overachiever, it's difficult for me to not have my kids be that too.......accepting that I think is a step in my recovery!

10. Blogging is amazing
Blogging seriously is amazing and I think I would lose my mind without it. 6 months ago I never would have imagined that so many people would read my blog. It warms my heart to know that I can bring a smile to someone's face or let them know they aren't the only one going through something. I've received Facebook messages from people I haven't talked to in years that share with me things that I would have never imagined! The nerd in me loves where all my readers are from, so I want to share that with all of you! The top ten countries are.....drum roll please......United States, Canada, United Kingdom, South Korea, France, Australia, Germany, Ireland, Poland and the Philippines!

So do I love it? I do! I also express every other emotion about it on any given day, at any given time. Like all jobs, the perks outweigh everything else, otherwise I wouldn't do it! At my year SAHM update, we will have the I'm sure I'll have a whole new perspective then!

1 comment:

  1. Thanks for your candid humor here! It's good to know I'm not the only one with such bipolar thoughts on motherhood. I love my baby to pieces, but could you please stop screaming for 10 seconds while Momy's brain stops rattling?! Haha.