Thursday, January 8, 2015

Moms Are Badass Superheroes

Let's face it, moms are amazing, myself included! We grow a human, that human comes out of us, we feed and nurture the human and then something happens, they develop a death wish. Once they begin to walk, every child seems to be on a mission to kill themselves through a various range of activities until they reach the age where they begin to reason with what the consequences could be, somewhere around 20ish or so!

This is where "Super Mom" comes into play! Now I am probably the farthest thing from a helicopter parent there is. (I'm writing this from my kitchen floor while I hear our one year old at the top the stairs yelling and hitting the carbon monoxide detector test button, but he's too lazy to crawl down to join the rest of us!) But there seems to be a reason for me to jump in and save multiple lives throughout the day, and why my children get themselves into these situations, I have yet to figure out! The worse part is, they continue to repeat, even after the rare occasions I let them face the consequences (falling off the back of the couch is bound to happen!)

The freezing cold here in the Midwest and everyone being sick at some point has had us home more than I would like the last few weeks, thus a lot of "Super Mom" lifesaving moments have occurred and I thought I would share them with you! Surely some of you can relate! I can't be the only one here with kamikaze kids!

While I was doing dishes, Kayden (2) was so kind to unlock the deadbolt, open the front door and put Layne (1) outside in a onesie. I heard the door shut, went running and found Kayden waving and saying, "Hi Layne!"----- he then put himself in timeout.

All three boys were playing on the small landing upstairs between the bedrooms and started to wrestle together. I ran up there to break it up while the 2 oldest were pushing the youngest towards the edge of the stairs. FML!

As many moms can relate, using the restroom without a child at your feet is a rare occasion, but sometimes I like to do my business without an audience (and maybe play some Trivia Crack?) Kayden took this as an opportunity to move his play kitchen table to the toy shelves, and climb as high as he fucking could to get the play phone I had recently taken away!

Dayton, the oldest, is currently suffering from some severe Pica (eating things that aren't food). Thus the wooden shards of puzzles that I'm able to keep him from choking down is a feat in itself!

I'm considering using a bungee cord at the dinner table. Layne, even with every strap that highchairs come with, is able to wiggle out of the restraints. I went to go put his plate in the sink, walked back and found him hanging from the tray.....I found time to take a picture before saving him!

The point of electrical child safety things confuse, when they can take them out! Kayden is a pro, so I am on constant, "Layne don't put your finger/toy/tongue in the electrical outlet" watch!

Kayden shares very well. So well that I often hear, "Layne open your mouth. Eat it." If it was food it would be one thing.....last week it was the pom poms from an art project we did!

Teamwork often plays into the death missions as well. Kayden got a new HUGE dump truck for Christmas. The first thought that the boys had was for Layne to climb (willingly) into it while Kayden pushed it while running 100 miles per hour and crashing it into the wall.........Layne falls out crying......and yet they continue to repeat it!

Honestly these are just a few recent stories, and I'm sure that there are more that I just did without even thinking of. Being a superhero mom didn't occur to me until my friend taught Kayden that his Wonder Woman action figure was "mommy" has now morphed into calling it/mommy "elephant," I won't start on my annoyance with that! And to think that there will be yet another life to save in a few months scares the shit out of me!

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