Monday, November 3, 2014

When Family Crosses the Line

Now it takes a lot for me to say that someone has crossed "the line," considering not much bothers me. But I've recently realized (like within the last 10 minutes) there are a couple times when my family has crossed the line.

Yes, bathing. While attempting to FaceTime my mother this afternoon she answers it and says, "Well I'm in the tub, I'll call you back." WHY DID YOU ANSWER THEN!?!? No one wants to see you in the tub, especially your daughter and grandchildren. So I hung up. Then just to see if she would do it again, I call back. Sure enough, she answered. So I took that moment to take a screenshot in order to capture this moment where she had a lapse in good judgement.

She was a bit embarrassed for how her hair looked, so I did some rough photo edits.
I know holidays are rough for a lot of families, our's included. And as of last year, I've started hosting them, because I dread dragging my kids to other people's houses. Everyone always brings food, which is awesome, it takes a lot of stress off of me, but I am a grown woman. With all the good intentions I know, but I do not need to have plates, napkins, cups, table cloths and silverware brought as well. I'm not 8 years old and playing house, I do have things. I do plan ahead for stop. Bring your delicious mashed potatoes and yourself, that is all that is needed.

My Waistline
It is mine after all, and I don't need your commentary. "Oh, you got some baby weight left." OR "Remember when you were super skinny in college."--- Like it was 25 years ago, of course I remember it! Keep your mouth closed and when I ask for another dinner roll at Thanksgiving....look away.

My Kids' Milestones
If I hear, "Well so-and-so's kid is doing XYZ, why isn't your little darling doing that?" Because they aren't, okay!? It seriously burns me when my kids get compared to others like walking/talking/learning the ABCs/potty training are part of some sort of race that if my child isn't the first to finish line something is wrong. So again, my dear dear family, just tell me how cute and adorable my kids are, that is all.

None of your business, cut and dry. We aren't living in the homeless shelter and my van hasn't been repossessed, so we must be doing okay. No need for you to ask how much our house payment, car payment, and any other payment is, and I won't ask you. After all, if you ask about it, shouldn't I be able to also?

Sex Life
Yes, I have sex. Yes, I have no qualms  talking about it. But yes, it is awkward when the people who created me start discussing my sex life. It's just awkward. I don't ask how I came to be, because I don't need that mental image. Please don't ask me how you got a grandchildren or if Jason "got lucky" when the kids were away.

I really do love all of my family, and I know they mean no harm when they pry into subject areas that they shouldn't or do things (like bathing while FaceTiming). I rationalize all of their shortcomings by telling myself that since I'm pretty much the baby of all my families (for the most part), everyone who I'm related to is pretty damn old. Old people say and do pretty obnoxious and inappropriate things. Don't worry dear family, I'll find you a good home!

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