Thursday, October 23, 2014

The Debacle of Family Pictures

Any parent who says, "Family pictures are a great time," are fucking liars. They are terrible and I don't care who you are.

On Tuesday we got our pictures taken. We went to a photographer that several of our friends had used, and their pictures turned out great. So naturally, I thought this would be great! And yes, the photographer was SO sweet and amazing.......my family on the other hand, not so much.

I would compare getting our clan's family pictures taken to what it would be like to herd cats high on catnip.....fucking impossible!

We were doing fall pictures, after all it is October. So I had everyone dressed in jeans, boots and long sleeve sweaters, and it just so happened to be 70 some flippin' degrees out!

The photographer started in the studio and tried to capture a picture of all 3 boys together, a picture we have NEVER gotten.........and probably still won't! Layne sat there like a champ, didn't move an inch.....also didn't smile either! Our 2 year old REFUSED to sit, and if he did he only wanted to show us his back, awesome! Then there was our 4 year old, the one I was worried about most. He smiled and stayed still, except he apparently lost his spine in the car and could only get his picture taken if he was laying down.....on his back.

"Sit together, and play with the kids. Make them laugh." This translated to have my hair pulled, eyes poked and try to wrestle kids so that you can still see their face in a picture. Oh, AND try to keep a smile on my own face while hiding my double chin. Quite the impossible task.

Then we went outside, in our fall clothes, in the fucking hot ass weather, or what at least felt hot. The photographer had us try to get a picture of all 3 kids again sitting along this brick wall. There were no fences around and a busy street just a hop and a skip away. I was going to lose a child for sure. And to top it off, I put Layne down only to have him grab a used cigarette from off the ground. Awesome!

We moved to a grassy area that appeared free of used needles and cigarettes. Here we tried to get individual shots. HA! Layne wouldn't smile for all it was worth. Not even a slight grin. Our 2 year old ran the entire freaking time, back and forth, back and forth! Unless she got one of him on the move, that was a wash. Then our spineless 4 year old laid in the grass, smiled and laughed the whole time. Well at least someone was cooperative!

For our last shot, we had to climb (with all 3 children) onto this shady ass poured cement ledge and try to get everyone to smile for a family shot. Through my husband's gritted teeth I hear, "This is fucking stupid, and I didn't wear these jeans to sit on fucking poured cement!" YAY, I'm so happy that everyone is happy!

Once that shot was over, we were walking back to the studio and the photographer asked if there were any other shots that we had to have that we didn't get
. I laughed, "Ummm no, everyone is checked out now."

I think the photographer could see the worry on my face when we were done. She reassured me that she got some good shots, but I won't see them for about 2 weeks. Wonderful! 2 weeks of wondering if I have to Photoshop a family picture together!

When we were done and I loaded all 4 of my cranky ass boys into the car, Layne started smiling and laughing hysterically! Seriously!?

Now by some small miracle there will be at least one good picture in the lot, and if there is, it will all be worth it. If there isn't, we aren't doing family pictures until everyone is out of diapers, and will follow directions.... so when they are 30...maybe!
One day I will get a picture this good, until then, I'll just look at Pinterest! 

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