Wednesday, October 1, 2014

Mama With Some Fake Tatas

I got a boob job when I was 19, a majority of people I know, know this. If you didn't, well now you do! Throughout all of my teenage years my chest looked more like that of a boy than a girl. When you had an ass and hips like I did (and still do), having no tatas was just plain awkward. I had zero confidence, and as much as I heard, "You are fine just the way you are," my mind was set that I would get implants.

Honestly I was obsessed with other people's fun bags, mostly because I was "shopping" around for what I wanted. On December 31, 2007 I went under the knife. I felt like shit for 2-3 weeks afterwards and even a car ride would put me in tears. It felt like I had softballs (that weren't so soft) duct taped to my chest. But after that third week I WAS IN LOVE! I honestly had the most amazing rack. Going from a 36B (and that's stretching it) to a 36D was the most exhilarating thing ever! I had this new found self-esteem about me and I was no longer self-conscious about what I looked like.

I have filtered a lot of questions from people, men and women, about my not-so-real sweater puppets.
-Yes, if you have implants you can still breastfeed. The implant is under the muscle.
-No, I don't have crazy scars, you can barely see them.
-Yes, you are able to feel the implant.
-No, you can't ACTUALLY feel my implant! Jason would not approve!
-No, they don't swish around like when you are water logged and you can hear water moving around your stomach.
-Yes, they will eventually need replaced.
-No, I did not lose all feeling in them after the surgery and before you ask, no, you can't check.

These were normal questions that I knew I would eventually be asked.

Then when I got out of the shower today I realized I had some realizations of my own.
-Yes, when I was pregnant they ballooned up to National Geographic proportions.
-No, they are not the same post-baby......
-Yes, I do HAVE to wear a bra now. My fun bags don't sit near my neck anymore.....
-No, bra shopping is not fun anymore. My post-baby melon holder size only comes in nude, black and white......
-Yes, I look forward to getting them relocated and re-sized when I know I'm done having kids.

I guess my twins were just on my mind today. I do not regret having having a cosmetic procedure done one bit. Honestly I think women should do whatever they want to do to make themselves feel good. You can't be a good wife or mother if you hate yourself. I don't hate my now sorta saggy, not so firm, way too big chesticles, I love them! I know that they are the way they are because of that crazy, smiling 10 month old that I love so much! But when the expiration date hits, this mama will be getting a new set of headlights!


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