Tuesday, December 30, 2014

18 Week Pregnancy Update

Well hello 18 weeks pregnant! I feel like time has just flown by! I will say though, I was never pregnant over Christmas before, and it is pretty awesome! Between the, "Here, eat some more," and "You look SO good (because commenting on how fat I've gotten isn't very nice)," comments, I might wear a fake prego belly next year!

Hair went a bit crazy this morning, looking a lot like a head of cabbage!

How Far Along: 18 Weeks
Weight Gain/Loss: About 2 pounds total. Yes this is down from what I put at 16 weeks. I was EXTREMELY sick all of last week with a respiratory thing, and actually was below my pre-pregnancy weight at one point. So I'm trying to gain it back!
Fruit of the Week: Baby is the size of a sweet potato!
Maternity "Fashion" Fav: Ok so this isn't actually clothing, BUT my husband got me some diamond stud earrings for Christmas. I feel like these are a pregnancy/postpartum/mommy must have! Honestly on days when you don't feel the most attractive, having a little sparkle in your ear can do wonders for your attitude!
Baby Buys: I'm on a baby buying freeze, introduced by the hubs. APPARENTLY I can't continue to buy girl things until after our gender ultrasound next week! What a fun sucker!
Fatigue: I'm exhausted lately, but I think it is more recovering from being sick rather than pregnancy.
Sleep: I now pee while sleeping I think. NO I do not pee my pants, but I've become so accustomed to going to the bathroom then going back to bed that sometimes I don't even remember getting up.
Dreams: Lately I've been dreaming about people from high school. Like people I don't even talk to anymore. And nothing weird, just like running into people at the store, going to dinner with people I've never gone to dinner with, I don't know what that's about, but hey at least they aren't the weird "I'm giving birth to an alien" type of dreams!
Movement: MAYBE once when I pushed hard on my stomach, that or I moved my intestine somewhere else!
Hair: It is completely unruly! Blow drying it exhausts me, so the natural air dry look, has me looking like I put my finger in the electric socket.
Cravings: Krave chocolate cereal.....delicious!
Shit that Sucks: With Layne I got pregnancy induced carpal tunnel in both hands/wrists/arms, but it was when I was like 32+ weeks. Well, as with everything else, that has shown up much sooner than expected. Luckily, as of right now, it is just in my left wrist. It makes doing everything a bit more difficult, because I don't have a very strong grip anymore.......yay!
Sausage Fingers: Rings are still on, all is good!
Struggles: At my last appointment my blood pressure was high. Like scare the doctor high! BUT I had also been sitting in the exam room, while he delivered a baby for 45 minutes, with all 3 children and my husband there! When I had it taken at the urgent care this last week it was perfect......I also had no children with me!
Successes: While the boys were at grandma's house this weekend, we moved Dayton to the basement and unpacked the 10 boxes we haven't touched since we moved! With Dayton out of his old room, we can start the nursery as soon as we know the gender!
Mood Swings: Nothing crazy, but apparently I've developed RBF (Resting Bitch Face). The hubs will ask me, "What's wrong? You look pissed." Nope, not pissed, this is just my face apparently!
Milestones: On Monday (fingers crossed) we will get to find out the gender!
Funny: Now my father-in-law's side of the family is probably one of the most loving and caring families (and a whole lot of crazy) that I could have asked to marry into. This last weekend the aunts and I were talking about the sex of the baby. One of our VERY well intentioned aunts walks behind me, looks at my ass, walks back around and said, "It's a girl." I couldn't control my laughter. Apparently my large ass means it's a girl. I've heard that girls make you pregnant all over while boys just give you a belly. Now if it ends up a boy, I have an aunt that has some explaining to do!
Inside the Hormonal Brain: Several things are stirring inside this head of mine. My dear mother, while visiting for Christmas, asked me if I Photoshop my weekly bump pictures. She said, "But you look good in them. You clothes are cute, your hair is done and you have makeup on." I asked her what she meant by that comment, because I don't have the faintest idea how to Photoshop anything, and if she meant that I look like shit in person. After a whole lot of backtracking she dropped the subject. To say I was annoyed is an understatement. Also, word to the wise. If you have a loving wife/friend/relative that is knocked up and willing to be your DD, your ass better load up when she says it is time to go. Sleep is SO important to the woman creating life, and when that is limited due to your lack of responsibility, it creates an angry mama bear! (for the record, my husband was not the cause of that rant)

Next week is gender reveal week (hopefully)!!! I hope that everyone's holiday season has been well and that your New Year's is safe!

Sunday, December 21, 2014

Screw Tradition, We're Makin' Our Own!

I think this is something that everyone goes through at some point in their life. Here I am a grown, adult "child" of my parents'. I have my own family, my own house, and pay my own bills, but yet I struggle during the holidays to stray from MY parents' traditions at the holidays. Then when I throw in the hub's family and their traditions, it's a big cluster fuck.

Prior to kids we would have 2 places to go to Christmas Eve and 2-3 Christmas Day, plus the various other family Christmas celebrations throughout the month of December. This was the tradition we knew, chaos. I hated the holidays. Now don't get me wrong, I love seeing my family and spending time with them, but I hated the schedule we had to hold to. It was always, "Okay we have to leave by 6:37pm in order to make it to the next place relatively close to the expected time."

Things changed last year. Since Layne was just barely a month old at the time and my mom doesn't live close, I got to host Christmas Eve for one side of the family and then everyone else just came and saw us on Christmas Day. It was glorious! There was no rushing or us worrying about if Dayton would have a melt down and no where to escape to or hoping and praying Kayden wouldn't get into a million breakable items, destroying all of them.

Now it's 2014, and I don't have a newborn any more. I struggle with going back to "tradition" or saying fuck it all. I'm going with the later. I've realized that we need to create our own traditions, separate from that of MY family. For literally the first time in my life, we aren't having anyone over for Christmas Eve or going anywhere. I offered to host Christmas Eve again, but my family wants to keep their tradition, which is completely understandable! It's just too damn stressful on us, and I think our families struggle to understand this. I get the, "The kids will be fine." Yeah, they'll be fine because we will be following them everywhere preventing them from destroying everything that isn't kid friendly, but not enjoying the time ourselves and then resenting the other person for making us come. Thus leading to a quiet ride home, because we are so pissed at each other. That shit isn't happening this year. I've accepted the idea of, "If you don't want to come see us, that's fine. Merry Christmas!"

So we are making our own "Snyder Traditions!"

Weeks Prior to Christmas

  • Ornaments
    • I love homemade ornaments, especially ones that help to show how small the kids are at the time. So we made some salt dough ornaments and are giving them to grandparents for presents and also putting them on our tree. They are far from perfect, apparently Kayden has 6 fingers!
Kayden made Santas, Layne Christmas trees and Dayton made Rudolph! 

  • Gingerbread House
    • Well.....it's a goal. We attempted this year, and apparently failed miserably. I don't have the patience to wait for each piece to "set" before putting the next one on and my lovely spouse is too much of "building perfectionist" to be of any help. ..........there's always next year!


Christmas Eve

  • Meal
    • We aren't having a "traditional" Christmas Eve meal. We are doing something simple, finger foods and maybe (if I feel ambitious) something in the slow cooker. 

  • Santa's Cookies
    • We are having the kids help make and decorate sugar cookies for Santa. 
  • Presents
    • The kids get to open their Christmas Eve Box. We started this last year. We include new pajamas, a Christmas book and a small snack. 
  • Movie
    • Once we get cozy in our jams and have read our books, we are going to watch The Polar Express and have our snacks before hitting the sack and waiting for Santa!
Christmas Day
  • We aren't going ANYWHERE! We have various family members swinging by to see the kids, but besides that, it's just us! The kids will open presents, eat cinnamon rolls and play with all of their new toys! After all, isn't that the best way to spend a day with kids!

To some this may seem an extremely boring way to spend the holiday, but to us, it seems perfect. I know that things will change and evolve as the kids get older. There will be new things that we add and maybe somethings we retire, but they will be OUR traditions. Not our parents' that we are struggling to hold onto. Am I sad that I won't see the family that I only see at Christmas? Yeah, but at the same time, I think everyone needs to understand that our lives aren't cookie cutter, and neither are our kids. We have to do what's best for them, and if staying home during the holidays is best for them (and our sanity), then that's what we will do! 

I'm taking a holiday "break" to enjoy the kids! I'll be back in a week or so! I hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanza/whatever holiday you celebrate this time of year!  

Friday, December 19, 2014

Gender Prediction Tests Tested!

By now, you are probably as annoyed as my husband with my obsession over the gender of the baby. And honestly, I don't know why I'm SO crazy about it. Prior to actually having kids and even at the beginning of Layne's pregnancy, I thought, "Let's not find out what it is. We'll have it be a surprise!" Well.....I'm a neurotic, Type-A personality, so when it comes to the unknown I found out, I don't cope very well. And the fact that I can't control what is going on within my very own body drives me insane!

So I thought I would put some of these old wives tales and various "scientific" prediction tests through the wringer. Now although we don't know YET what the baby is, because it was being difficult yesterday, hopefully we can get a good guess from the results of these tests, right? And the ones that don't require me to pee in something, I will do it for Layne as well to see if it was accurate!

*Please note these are just for fun! Also, I'm not a professional videographer, so my videos pretty much suck......I've learned, no more vertical videos after this! The hubs was also creeped out that I would pee in a cup that I keep in the cupboard, hey it goes in the dishwasher!......I found clear disposable ones after we already did this......

Bleach and Urine

I highly suggest not doing this one, as it produces terrible (possibly toxic) fumes! If you want to do it have someone else do it for you OUTSIDE! All you do is mix equal parts bleach and fresh pee. If it foams like beer it is a boy. If it "sizzles" like Sprite is supposed to mean girl. I did a bit of research on this one and supposedly male hormones create higher pH levels, hints the beer foam.

Predicted Gender: BOY             Confirmed Gender: ?

Baking Soda and Urine

For this one you use a couple tablespoons of BAKING SODA (not baking powder) and then some fresh pee. No worries with this one, no toxic fumes produced! It is suppose to deal with pH levels as well, so beer foam=boy and Sprite=girl.

Predicted Gender: BOY             Confirmed Gender: ?

Wedding Ring Over the Wrist

I highly doubt there is ANYTHING scientific about this. But at this point, I'll obviously try anything! What you are suppose to do is to put your wedding ring (but I've also heard you can use a cross) on a string/chain/strand of hair (?) and then hold it over your wrist. If someone is helping you, put it over your stomach. If it goes in a circle it means girl and if it swing back and forth, boy. I've also heard of this same test done with a needle and thread stuck into the eraser of a sharp pencil. But if I'm being honest....I don't freaking sew...so those items are hard to come by!

Predicted Gender: GIRL       Confirmed Gender: ?

Chinese Gender Chart

I have MULTIPLE friends that swear by these, and honestly, I like to think they are accurate too! The one that I have been told is the most accurate is the one on Baby Center. I've listed the link below.

Baby Center Chinese Gender Prediction

Predicted Gender: GIRL             Confirmed Gender: ?
Predicted Gender for Layne: BOY .....so this was CORRECT!


So this probably the one I hear of the most often. If the baby's hear beat is above 150 then it's a girl, and if it's below, then boy. At yesterday's appointment it was 140. So......

Predicted Gender: BOY             Confirmed Gender: ?
Predicted Gender for Layne: BOY .....his was in the 140s the entire time.

Placenta Placement

If you are one of those gurus at reading ultrasounds, you may have used this one. There are several studies that show 97% of baby girls implant on the left side of the uterus and 97% of boys implant on the right.

Predicted Gender: unknown, I have an anterior placed baby..... Confirmed Gender: ?
Predicted Gender for Layne: BOY


Ok there are several different mathematical prediction tests I have found. How anyone ever came up with these, I have no idea.

  •  Month & Age of Mom
    • Add the month the baby conceived with the age of the mom at the time of conception. If it is odd, boy and even, girl.. 
    • Predicted Gender: GIRL
    • Predicted Gender for Layne: BOY
  • Subtract from 49 (....wtf?!)
    • Take your age at the time of conception, subtract it from 49, then subtract the month of conception. If the number is even, its a girl and odd a boy. 
    • 49-25-9= 15
    • Predicted Gender:BOY
    • Predicted Gender for Layne:  GIRL
  • Newer Blood
    • Ok this one is out of Ukraine....I've done my research! It is base on the idea that whichever parent has the "newest" blood. that is the sex the baby will have. Apparently men's blood renews every 3 years and women every 4. This one is fucking weird to me (like the rest make perfect sense or something?!)
    • Take the man's age at conception divided by 3, (29/3=9 remainder 2) Then take the woman's age at conception divided by 4, (25/4=6 remainder 1). The one with the smallest remainder wins!
    • Predicted Gender: GIRL  
    • Predicted Gender for Layne: GIRL  

  • Salty vs. Sweet
    • Salty=boy  Sweet=girl
    • Predicted Gender: I like both....does that mean an it?
    • Predicted Gender for Layne: BOY
  • Clear Skin vs. Acne
    • Clear skin = boy  Acne= girl
    • Predicted Gender: GIRL  
    • Predicted Gender for Layne: BOY
  • Sexual Positions
    • Guy on top = boy  Girl on top = girl
    • I'm sorry but if you are able to remember what position your child was conceived in, you are apparently not having sex often enough!

Ok so if you have skimmed through this, by the variety of colors, you can see that I am having a .............BABY! Because the fucking gender is a mystery, and these tests didn't provide any clear answers! We will all have to wait till the week of January 5th to find out (fingers crossed and NOT baby legs)!!! If you have kids or know the gender, did any of these work for you? I'd love to hear from you!

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

16 Week Pregnancy Update

It seems crazy that I've known I was pregnant for the last 12 weeks! At this rate, I'll be giving birth before I know it! Never mind, we won't bring that up, because both my options (VBAC or repeat c-section) scare the ever lovin' piss out of me still! So on a lighter note, here is my 16 week update!

Getting HUGE (way too early!) but I do love my new shirt I got last week!

How Far Along: 16 Weeks
Weight Gain/Loss: About 4-5 pounds total
Fruit of the Week: Baby is the size of an avocado!!!
Maternity "Fashion" Fav: I raved about my love of full-panel maternity leggings on my last update, and broke down and bought a couple pair last week. But my new favorite things are maternity camis. No, not the nursing type with the clips where you could accidentally flash someone if you move the wrong way. I'm talking about the super long tank tops that have a bit of padding in the boob area. Not that I need any padding for the girls BUT the weather is getting cold out and the padding helps to prevent the "I dropped Hershey kisses down my shirt in nearly the same spot on both sides" look, if you catch my drift!
Baby Buys: Ahhhhhh I bought girl newborn onesies! No, we don't know the sex quite yet, but they were SO cute! Hubs said that we can take the onesies and hats I bought with us to our gender ultrasound so that we can return them after the appointment! Jerk!
The first one is pink (not salmon like it appears) and I HAD to get them, because they were 30% off with Target CartWheel!
Fatigue: Let's be real, I get a nap nearly every day. After all, one must rest their womb!
Sleep: We got our TempurPedic mattress last week! It is amazing! My sleep has still sucked though, because having a spouse with legit influenza and then another virus who gets up a million times a night to blow his nose....doesn't make for very restful sleep!
Dream: Let's preface this with the fact that I've never been an alcoholic or heavy drinker! I had a dream Saturday night that I was just POUNDING beers...while pregnant. In my dream I kept telling my husband, "One more beer won't hurt the baby!" For the record, that never happened, but I did buy some sparkling apple juice at the store the next day and poured it in a wine glass!
Movement: Occasionally I feel some flutters, but nothing consistent!
Hair: The gray is gone....well for the next couple weeks at least! Hallelujah! Now if the hair growth on my face would slow down, that would be great! I've contemplated just shaving it daily until the baby is born and then getting the shit lased off!
Cravings: Egg/Cheese/English Muffin breakfast sandwiches, Arby's cheddar/roast beef deliciousness and still hot chocolate
Shit that Sucks: My fat days are feeling extra fat! For today's picture I literally took it 20 times trying to minimize the size of my ass while keeping the double chin in check! The struggle is real, and today is just not my day!
Sausage Fingers: They only swell if I eat something salty, but go down after a couple glasses of water.
Struggles: Keeping my entire house "clean" is seriously the most daunting task in the world! With my expanding waist line, my back can't take me sweeping, mopping and vacuuming for several hours at a time without being a pile for the rest of the day. Taking applications for unpaid volunteers to do it for me!
Successes: Took the little boys with me to the mall last week to go to the maternity store! Everyone survived and we only lost a sippy cup! I did have the "How old are the boys?" Followed by, "And how far along are you?" Finished by a fake smile, slight eye roll and a, "That's exciting." I'll cut a bitch, so they can stop with the judgy looks!
Mood Swings: They seem to have leveled out a bit, but they still will creep up from time to time!
Milestones: 4 months along! And we MIGHT find out the gender this week, depending if  "she" cooperates!
Inside the Hormonal Brain: Finding out the gender has been on my mind 24/7 which is driving my husband BEYOND crazy. I get the, "When you find out it's a boy what are you going to do, just give it away?" Are you fucking joking me!? No, I'm not giving my baby away! I will love him like I do the rest of my boys. But the part of me that is wishing for a girl wants it so that I'm not the only female in the house anymore. I want someone to do something with when dad and the boys do "man" things together. I think my husband struggles with my obsession over this just because he doesn't understand what it is like to have something growing in you and NOT know if you can call it a he or a she. The couple day wait till my appointment feels like an eternity!

Friday, December 12, 2014

Bras Gone WIld

It was Tuesday morning and I had the kids with me. I went in because things just hadn't been feeling "right" and I thought I would get checked out. Tears welled in my eyes, as the thing I never thought I would hear spilled out of the woman's mouth, "You need a size F bra."  No. Fucking. Way.

I told her to remeasure, that I'm only 15 weeks pregnant and I already went from my DD to what I was currently wearing, an E. She laughed at me and told me of their buy 3 get 1 free special. I'm not buying more than one of these Guinness World Record bras. Apparently she didn't understand the seriousness of this situation. I'm all too aware of the jump that boobs go through in the 3rd trimester then when milk comes in. It's official, I'm going to be some centerfold for National Geographic about "Woman's Tits Large Enough to Feed All of Africa's Starving Children."

After the good cry I allowed myself in the car ride on the way home, I decided that I would have some fun with the bra that I just bought. I've put together a list of ways that I might use this bra after it is too big for the sweater puppets. After all, my boobs wouldn't be this size forever, right?

Christmas Tree Ornament

Fruit Bowl

Banana Hammock

K-Cup Storage

Candy Bowl

Fashion Forward Female Headwear


Child Kitchen Safety Headwear

Now there were multiple ideas that I was unable to photograph. The short list includes the following:
  • Post-vasectomy ice pack
  • Hanging cantaloupe holder
  • "Get-along" hats for the little boys 
  • Mint/Peanut tray
  • Sling shot
  • Bowling ball polisher
  • Tennis ball storage
  • Snowball maker
  • Toy storage
  • Toddler pillow, "like mommy is holding me"
  • Nicki Minaj child Halloween costume accessory (the butt)
I hope that this put a smile on your face! I guess I just have to embrace the ladies! If you have any other suggestions on how I can up-cycle this in the future, I would love to hear them! 

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

What I Didn't Expect While Expecting #2.....So Far- PLUS Bump Picture

I know that everyone always says that no two pregnancies are the same, but I was surprised by the things that I didn't expect to happen or happen so soon!

I didn't expect that I would pee on a stick and then need maternity clothes almost at the same time.

I didn't expect that my boobs had such "great" muscle memory......didn't ever imagine an F would be my cup size. (A picture tribute to the bra later this week!)

I didn't expect to look SO pregnant this early! (15 weeks and 1 day today)

I didn't expect to already have insane back pain. Between trips to the chiropractor and heat/ice packs, I'm trying to find any relief possible. My dear husband has been promising me a back rub......still waiting......

I didn't expect my lady parts to already hurt like they did when I was 30 some weeks prego last time. Seriously, wtf!?

I didn't expect to already have anxiety about what to name this little person for the rest of her (or his) life! Last time I had the name picked out at practically conception.

I didn't expect my nesting instincts to already kick in. I honestly was cleaning my house at 6am Saturday morning while the kids were at grandma's house while mentally planning a basement remodel and how to do the nursery.

I didn't expect to have such insane emotions. I was barely emotional with Layne and so far every day there is some sort of emotional break down. The hubs isn't much of a fan of this.

I didn't expect to get so many strange looks when people see me pushing our 1 and 2 year old in the double stroller and then notice I'm pregnant. I want to shout at them, "My husband and I love each other VERY much!"

I didn't expect to already hit the, "I'm fat so please don't look at me naked," stage with my husband. As I recall from last time, once I hit the fully round stage it turned into, "Look at this sexy round beach ball," so it's just a matter of time till the lights can come back on.

I didn't expect to regain my energy so quickly. I've been feeling good since 10 or 11 weeks. Being able to take a mid-afternoon nap every day probably helps too!

I didn't expect that I would be prego at the same time as one of my friends (2 weeks apart) and be able to text back and forth our complaints, happy moments and times we feel like slitting people's throats!

And lastly (on a very cheesy note)..........

I didn't expect that I could already love this baby just as much as I love the boys! After all, I don't even know if it is a he or she yet!

Style note: Messy bun helps to hide a ridiculous amount of gray hair! Salon appointment Saturday!
(cell phone pocket courtesy of LP Advertising & Promotions, LLC. ...........you're welcome for the plug mom!)

Monday, December 8, 2014

Spoil the Hell Out of Your Husband

Last Tuesday my guy turned 30 and is now officially on the downhill slide to 60! I felt that I needed to do something to celebrate him. So I planned a day full of "pampering" and surprises designed especially for him this last Saturday!

First we went to probably the coolest barber shop I've ever been to (since I've been to a lot?). It is called The Beard and Mane (located on 23rd and St. Mary's Ave. in Omaha). The vibe is completely retro, with old school barber chairs and everything. And considering the line was out the door when we got there at 9am (Saturdays are walk-ins only, and they've only been there 5 months), and we didn't get out of there till 12:30pm, I'd say it was worth the wait. They trimmed the beastly beard and did a straight razor shave on his head. He LOVED it! Justin (the barber) was hilarious and him and his partner (business not romantic) Matt and him banter back and forth making the wait enjoyable. If you can stand a bit of raunchy "man talk", I would totally suggest having you take your guy there!

No, Justin the barber wasn't mad, I may have been sneaking the picture and got caught!
Our next stop was for massages. He's had one before, so he knew what to expect. What I DIDN'T expect was for his masseuse to be a dude that looked like he could bench press 450 pounds. I struggled to contain my laughter while we were waiting as I imagined Jason getting rubbed down by this burly man. But from what I was told he had, "hands like a woman." Good to know, good to know......maybe I'll request him for myself next time!

We then went to go get him his first pedicure. Nothing too exciting, he enjoyed it and turned down the girl's offer to put clear polish on! I then surprised him with a suite at Hotel Deco XV downtown followed by dinner at 801 Chophouse.

I had arranged for all of his friends and family to meet us at the casino to finish off his celebration. He was SO surprised and thankful for everyone to be there. I'm pretty sure he had too many Budweisers, but it was well worth it!

As you are reading this you are probably thinking, "Ok, what's the point?" The point is, wives/girlfriends tend to expect their significant other to spoil them on various special days throughout the year. But is that ever returned? Do women ever plan a day just catered around their man? The truth is, that rarely happens. but I think it needs to happen more often.

In our situation, Jason is the bread winner, hell he is the only one that  brings home any bread! He works an ungodly amount of hours a week and then has to listen to me bitch about who knows what when he gets home! For all of that, I think he deserved this!

So ladies, stop being selfish, and give back a little. Men, if your lady spends weeks planning a special day for you, be sure to show your gratitude to her.......I'm sure you think of a way or two!

Tuesday, December 2, 2014

14 Week Pregnancy Update

After writing my last (and first) pregnancy update, I've decided to re-write the questionnaire to fit my personality a bit more, and to add some things that I would like to remember. But please, if you haven't already read my posts with a sarcastic tone, start now. Otherwise you will be thinking. "Bitch is arrogant as hell!"

Attempting pictures with my face until the double-chin becomes too much to handle!

How Far Along: 14 Weeks
Weight Gain/Loss: Hovering around 2 pounds total still
Fruit of the Week: Baby is the size of lemon - This is CRAZY to me! It feels like just yesterday it was the size of a sesame seed!
Maternity "Fashion" Fav: How people have ever lived without full panel maternity leggings in the past I will never know. They are SO comfy! I only have 2 pair right now, but I'm going to be investing in some more to get me through the winter! I will say, my husband isn't as much of a fan. High school girls should wear these to help prevent teen pregnancy.....a bit harder to get into them!
Baby Buys: I broke down and bought some super cute little girl hats! I think it was on a day when my boys were destroying everything and I was desperate for some estrogen. We also started stocking up on diapers on Black Friday.
Sleep: We are buying a new mattress this weekend, because my sleep SUCKS! Tossing, turning, peeing, tossing and then some more turning! Considering we have never bought a new mattress, I would say it's due!
Movement: Nothing yet......or so I can confirm. I thought felt some flutters. but shit. it was probably gas.
Hair: I know, I know, you are probably looking at my new bump picture and thinking, "Damn, she's fine!" followed by, "Scrunched hair? There isn't any humidity to fight!" Nope there isn't, but there sure is some gray hair to fight! I had some before (ok, a shit ton) before becoming pregnant, but I could go a bit between colors. Add in hormones and pre-natals, I get colored and have gray popping through the next week!
Cravings: Still Chinese, and hot chocolate (not together) but I'm also in this yogurt and granola kick
Shit that Sucks: I feel like I'm competing with my husband in who can grow the most facial hair.....nasty, right!? Thank god I can wax my own face, but I should take out stock in it for as much as I have to use.
Sausage Fingers: They aren't swollen yet, so the rings are still on!
Struggles: I was a caffeine junkie with Layne, which the "what if" side of me contributes to him not being a fat baby. So I'm limiting myself to 1, 8 oz coffee or tea a day. IT'S FUCKING TERRIBLE.....especially on days like today where I try to be an all-star wife and get up early (5 am) to make my husband a hot breakfast for his birthday before he has to leave for work.
Successes: Shaved my legs today! Anyone who has been pregnant understands how this becomes more and more difficult as the weeks pass.
Mood Swings: Oh hell yes! From crying to screaming.......USUALLY always an overreaction!
Milestones: HELLO 2nd TRIMESTER!
Inside the Hormonal Brain: I'm SO happy to be getting some more energy back so that I can actually clean my house and be productive! At the same time though, part of me wishes that I was still exhausted all the time.......an excuse to be lazy is always nice! Also, I feel like I need to wear a shirt that says, "It's not Busch Light, it's a baby!" That way people can stop staring at my doughnut stomach. Oh you don't know what a doughnut stomach is. Its the fact that my belly button will never turn out (at least it didn't with Layne), so my stomach consistently looks like a giant doughnut in anything that isn't my husband's t-shirt.

Thanksgiving Day FAILURES And A Whole Lotta Love

We hosted Thanksgiving for the first time on Thursday for 20 of our family members. For the first time in my life we didn't have a minimum of 3 different places to go and it was wonderful! As splendid as the day was, there were a few fails of the day!

Stuffing SUCKS
I've made stuffing before......Stove Top. But for the holiday I thought I would make REAL stuffing from scratch. So I searched Pinterest for days looking for a traditional recipe and a "creative" recipe. Now I pride myself on being a pretty damn good cook, but I'm embarrassed to say, my stuffing was fucking disgusting. My sweet family tried to tell me it was good, but it was awful! And then to make things better, as I'm taking it out of the oven, I spill an entire pan of it into the bottom of the oven. I wanted to cry. Let's just say, I'll stick with Stove Top from now on!

Wine. What wine?
Thanksgiving isn't complete unless there is some wine being poured and a cousin and/or aunt having a glass or two too many. But I was the sober hostess, so thinking of picking up wine at the store didn't even occur to me. My cousin thought she would make a wine run to the gas station........we live in Underwood. Beer and candy bars is about as good as you are going to do! So for the first time in what I think is all of our memories, we were wine free during the holiday!

I forced my family together on this special day, including my parents who have now been divorced for 20 years. To say I was impressed with their behavior and that they sat at the SAME table is an understatement. That is, until we ate....... I hear my dear father say, "Linda, what did you make here? (pointing at the various dishes on the table)" Not even waiting for a response, I tell him, "Dad she didn't put poison in anything! Seriously!? Just make your plate!" He just smiles and puts his head down, knowing that I know him too well and he should just stop now.

So was it a total failure? No, overall it came together wonderfully. But I definetly learned a little about what to do differently next year. Use Stove Top. Stock up on alcohol. Make my father's plate for him!

 My grandparents. 60 years of some southern lovin'!
(photo courtesy of my cousin's Facebook page.....stole it.....sorry not sorry!)

Thursday, November 27, 2014

Thankful For The Underappreciated Things In Life

Well Happy Thanksgiving! Now I'm thankful for my friends, family and health, like everyone else! I don't know what I would do without them. But I'm also thankful for a lot of things in our life that some people probably don't think of being thankful for or even mentioning.

I'm thankful that my dad refrained from killing my (now) husband 7 1/2 years ago. I mean I would kill my daughter (if I ever have one) and her boyfriend if she moved out the day after high school graduation and in with her guy while I was at work without telling me. But my dad didn't, and because of that I have a husband and father of my children that I wouldn't trade for the world. So thanks dad!

I'm thankful for small towns. Only in a small town would it be perfectly acceptable for a pregnant (but still just looks like a beer gut) woman to go to the gas station in her slippers on Thanksgiving morning (at 6am) to get the ads and donuts without any judgement from the cashiers! Thanks Underwood!

I'm thankful for my stretch marks. I know I talk about them a lot, and I really am not a fan of them on most occasions. But I'm thankful for them, because there was a point that I never thought I would get to feel a baby grow in my stomach and cause those. Who knew we would become so good at making them! Practice makes perfect! So thank you Freddy Krueger tummy!

I'm thankful for Dayton's Austism. Weird, right? Well lately I've had all of these different pages on Facebook show up that are for kids with cancer. Some are doing well, and unfortunately some aren't. It breaks my heart to see these and can't imagine the strain it puts on these families. Yeah, Dayton doesn't talk, has a shit ton of sensory issues and is self-abusive, but he isn't stuck in a hospital or has an unknown future of treatments ahead of him. So thank you Autism!

I'm thankful that I took a leap and started this blog and that I have real life people that read it! It has been the best therapy anyone could every ask for and I love it! I've realized that sometimes in life you can't have a 5 or 10 year plan, because things can change in a blink of an eye. So for now; I work for my kids (let's be real, they're in charge most the time), I love my family and I write!

If you took the 3 minutes it takes to read this post, please like it and share it with a comment of something you are thankful for that people might not consider on a day like today! I can't wait to see what you guys post!

Teaching Kayden how wonderful the Macy's Thanksgiving Parade is! He loved it!

Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Figured Out How Babies Are Made! --12 Week Update!

Soooooo WE ARE PREGNANT! It's been so hard to keep our good news quiet! But after our 12 week appointment today, we decided to shout it from the rooftops! Our official due date is June 2, 2015!

Here is how it has been going thus far. No, no, no, I'm not going to tell you HOW it happened, I'm sure you all saw the sex ed video in 8th grade! But because I am/was crazy about tracking everything, I found out I was pregnant at 3 weeks 6 days and confirmed it at the doctor. Then my "miscarry paranoia" kicked in and I ended up going to the doctor EVERY FREAKING WEEK for some reason or another until 9 weeks. After the third time of hearing the baby's heartbeat, I got a sense of relief and held off showing up at my doctor's office until today.

We told some friends and family over the past couple weeks, because anyone who knows me knows non-pregnant me would never turn down a glass of wine! Here are some of my favorite responses!

"You realize this makes 4, right?" - No, no I didn't. I missed that part of counting in kindergarten.
"Dude, pull out!" - No comment.
"Well for as much use as your pantry gets, I'm not surprised!" - It really doesn't get used THAT much!
"All your children must sleep through the night." -Yep!
"Are you done after this?" - Maybe, maybe not! Who knows!
"Congratulations!"- This one is my favorite!

Now I'm going to attempt to do a monthly update! I got the questionnaire off of babycenter.com, so no, I did not make up the questions.  So here goes my first one!

How far along? 12 weeks, 1 day!
Total weight gain/loss: up about 2 pounds
Maternity clothes? Oh yeah! Pants are a necessity, and shirts are because my regular shirts make me look like I shopped in the little kids department!
Stretch marks? Nothing new, and the ones I had from Layne have "stretched" back out so I can't seem them! Winning!
Sleep: Great! .......except my 3am need to pee

Best moment this week: Seeing the little squirmy on the ultrasound
Have you told family and friends: Yep! Announced today!
Movement: I swear I felt something, put everyone (including the doctor) says it's too early.
Food cravings: Chinese, ice cream and Panera
Anything making you queasy or sick: Vegetables
Have you started to show yet: Belly is popping out a bit more each day!
Leakage: hahahaha NO
Gender prediction: Gut feeling says girl, but it might just be wishful thinking!
Labor Signs: No no no! 
Belly Button in or out? In.
Wedding rings on or off? On
Happy or Moody most of the time: Moody as hell!
Weekly Wisdom: Perk of having a "pre-stretched" stomach from Layne, I don't think I will be in the "Is she pregnant or just fat?" stage as long as before!
Milestones: Announced to the world out pregnancy!

Monday, November 17, 2014

Wish Destroyer

I did! I caved and now do things I never thought I would do as a stay-at-home mom. Prior to actually being a home with the kids, I had all this wild ideas of how it would be. How I would! Well that's all out the window now. I had this realization today......as my kids were locked in their bedroom.....I'll explain, I'll explain!

Laundry will always be done, and won't pile up!
I'm literally laughing out loud right now. I spent the entire day today trying to fold 3 loads of laundry that piled up over the weekend. 3 LOADS! Actually folding laundry requires not having "helpers", which doesn't ever exist unless they are sleeping. But let's be honest, when they sleep, I want to do NOTHING but relax! Our washer and dryer are in our bedroom, so you can imagine my dear husband's annoyance when he trips over a pile a laundry in the early hours, and I have to pretend I'm still sleeping and not laughing.

Dinner will be home cooked every night.
Nope, doesn't happen! Yes, I cook dinner nearly every night, but I give myself a night off once MAYBE twice a week, and we get a pizza or have the only restaurant that will deliver to us bring up some fried up deliciousness. Let me be clear though, home cooked sometimes means grilled cheese or cereal. I'm putting it together AT HOME, so it totally counts!

I'll work out before the kids get up.
This has yet to happen in the nearly 5 months I've been home. Not because I don't have an amazing treadmill in the basement that my friend has used more than me, but because I don't want to. Sleep is much more important to me, because my kids drain me. And yeah, yeah, yeah, "exercise gives you energy,".......shut up. No one wants to hear that. I love my sleep, end of story.

The kids and I will get dressed and ready every day.
Why? What's the point? If I get them out of their pajamas, it just means I have more laundry. I mean we get "ready" when we go somewhere, but besides that, we just try to make sure we look presentable by the time boss man gets home from work.

I will spend all my time with my children. 
No, because this mom still needs her sanity. This is where the kids being in their bedrooms come into play. To preface this, my kids' rooms are COMPLETELY childproof, so I have no fear of anything happening to them. Layne and Kayden hang out in Kayden's room from time to time during the day and play. They might be in there while I try to tackle laundry in the next room, make a phone call with no screaming in the background or lay outside of their door for a quick 10 minute snooze. I check on them frequently, and listen for screams, but sometimes the presence of just a door between us is all I need to refuel myself to make it through the day.

House will be spotless.
If you've read any part of my blog before, you will know this is far from true. I rationalize it in my head by telling myself that we are here all the time so it is nearly impossible for it to stay clean. It is the same reason we always seem to be out of groceries. Our house isn't dirty, just lived in.

To anyone that has stayed home before or is thinking about it, what are your wishes? I mean, it probably will never happen, but like my dad always said, "It's nice to dream!"

***Heads up, there is a chance I will be taking a hiatus from social media for awhile, so if you are interested in still reading my blog, please subscribe! It will help to make sure that you never miss a post***

Layne learning too quickly how to climb baby gates!

Friday, November 14, 2014

Teachers Are The Worst Parents EVER

Now before all of my teacher friends come light my house on fire for saying they are bad parents, let me tell you that I say this from an honest part in my heart. My dear teacher friends, you know this is true, stop lying to yourself.

Do you love, feed, clothe, and keep your child safe? Yes. Do you take them places to engage their minds, and give them life experiences? I'm sure you do. But you also will (at some point) hate every teacher that your child has. I don't care if it is pre-school or your child's infant room teacher.

You may be thinking, "No, I love everyone that is with my child. If I didn't, I wouldn't stay." Easier said than done. When you are locked into a district, switching teachers doesn't happen unless some act of God occurs.

I'll tell you why you hate them too. Because they aren't doing it the way that you would. The teacher you have entrusted your child to learn from is not you, and aren't teaching your children "your way". And no matter who you are, that doesn't sit easy with you. You don't know what is going on all day long, what standards/milestones/IEP goals they are working on at each second of the day.

I speak completely from first hand experience. I'm sure Dayton's teacher from last year is reading this right now and nodding her head the whole time. I will admit, I'm a terror of a parent for a teacher to deal with. I will e-mail, and call, and complain and tell you exactly what you are doing wrong and why it is wrong. And I don't care how that makes you (the teacher) feel. I'm the expert on my child, not you. And I hated parents like me when I had to deal with them, but now, I totally get it.

Education is a double-edged sword when it comes to raising children. On one side I know how to help my child develop into a functioning young member of society. But on the other side, I know too much (and let's be honest, usually more) than the teacher I am enlisting to care for my child. I think this is intensified when you have a child with special needs. I have done SO much research, know IEPs inside and out, therapy goals, etc.............please teacher, don't act like you know more about my child and how to help them than I do.

Now that I stay at home with the kiddos and don't have students of my own, everyone also thinks that I have this burning desire to be all "educational" with my own children at home. Because obviously teachers want to constantly teach, right?! Bitch please! I'm happy that Kayden can say "1, 2, 3" and I'm pretty sure he only knows that because I don't count to 10 for him to go to time-out. We are lucky to get one art project done every couple weeks. I mean we read, and sing songs, but it is usually something we have read/sang so many times I don't even have to pay attention while doing so, and can cook dinner at the same time.

So to all the wonderful teachers out there, rest assured that you are/will be terrible parents, and that's okay! It is all out of place of deep caring for your kids and lack of patience for adults!

Kayden's "art project" from today. Thank you $1 aisle at Target!

Saturday, November 8, 2014

Gift Giving......I'm An Adult, And So Are You

Tis' the season for the crazy lines at Target, weird store hours and the headache that goes along with Christmas shopping. And I hate it. I really do.

Now let me clarify. I love Christmas! I love getting together with family, playing games, putting up decorations, watching corny Christmas movies and most of all, CHRISTMAS MUSIC! Notice I didn't mention anything about gifts. It is the gift portion of Christmas that makes me want to lose my marbles!

I recently talked to a friend that has over 20 people to buy gifts for. WHY!? She doesn't have 20 children. But like me she married into a family that LOVES Christmas and gift giving, but her approach to it is much different than mine. She actually buys all of these grown ass adults gifts. Fuck that.

It started for us when we were getting married. We told family not to buy us gifts. because we were saving money for the wedding and didn't want to spend anything we didn't have to. Then when we were remodeling our kitchen, again, no gifts. Finally. this last year, we told family they could get the kids presents but please don't buy us anything, because we weren't going to be giving gifts.

I'm pretty sure I've broken my father-in-law's Christmas joy with all of this, but I think it is absurd. As an adult, if we want something, we go and get it. We don't make Christmas lists. Half the time, whatever gift we receive we say thank you and if it doesn't get returned, it goes to the re-gift closet. Especially now that we are a one income household, we don't have all this extra money laying around to spend.

Giving gifts is just as difficult for me. Not because I don't like giving gifts, but I thoroughly dislike shopping for gifts. My parents are average age 60. They don't need anything. They have everything, if not too much. (I swear all old people are hoarders) Everyone else in my family, including in-laws, don't actually need anything, and I don't want to spend money just to say I got them something. If I give a gift, I want it to be something someone actually needs.

Just think about what the season is about. I'm not a deeply religious person, so I won't get into that. But the overall theme is family. Being with family and doing things with family. It's not about buying your extended family member a stupid ass t-shirt that costs $25 that they said they really liked, but you've never seen them wear.  It's probably in their re-gift closet.

Scrooge is not my middle name (I'm sure that's what you are thinking). We do buy our kids gifts, but we don't go crazy. We spend about $100 on each kid, which I think is plenty, if not too much. Our kids will give gifts to their grandparents, siblings and parents (I do enjoy the occasional self-bought present) but they will be homemade or reasonably priced. My kids will learn that Christmas time is about being with the people that matter most to us, and the gifts they give and receive are just extra perks, but not a requirement.

So, during this holiday season just consider forgoing the gift giving. Maybe spend the money you would normally do to adopt a family and buy gifts for them, donate to a charity, go on a mini vacation altogether, or prepare a nice meal and spend time playing games and actually having meaningful conversations that don't consist of, "Hey what did you get!?"

Monday, November 3, 2014

When Family Crosses the Line

Now it takes a lot for me to say that someone has crossed "the line," considering not much bothers me. But I've recently realized (like within the last 10 minutes) there are a couple times when my family has crossed the line.

Yes, bathing. While attempting to FaceTime my mother this afternoon she answers it and says, "Well I'm in the tub, I'll call you back." WHY DID YOU ANSWER THEN!?!? No one wants to see you in the tub, especially your daughter and grandchildren. So I hung up. Then just to see if she would do it again, I call back. Sure enough, she answered. So I took that moment to take a screenshot in order to capture this moment where she had a lapse in good judgement.

She was a bit embarrassed for how her hair looked, so I did some rough photo edits.
I know holidays are rough for a lot of families, our's included. And as of last year, I've started hosting them, because I dread dragging my kids to other people's houses. Everyone always brings food, which is awesome, it takes a lot of stress off of me, but I am a grown woman. With all the good intentions I know, but I do not need to have plates, napkins, cups, table cloths and silverware brought as well. I'm not 8 years old and playing house, I do have things. I do plan ahead for guests..........so stop. Bring your delicious mashed potatoes and yourself, that is all that is needed.

My Waistline
It is mine after all, and I don't need your commentary. "Oh, you got some baby weight left." OR "Remember when you were super skinny in college."--- Like it was 25 years ago, of course I remember it! Keep your mouth closed and when I ask for another dinner roll at Thanksgiving....look away.

My Kids' Milestones
If I hear, "Well so-and-so's kid is doing XYZ, why isn't your little darling doing that?" Because they aren't, okay!? It seriously burns me when my kids get compared to others like walking/talking/learning the ABCs/potty training are part of some sort of race that if my child isn't the first to finish line something is wrong. So again, my dear dear family, just tell me how cute and adorable my kids are, that is all.

None of your business, cut and dry. We aren't living in the homeless shelter and my van hasn't been repossessed, so we must be doing okay. No need for you to ask how much our house payment, car payment, and any other payment is, and I won't ask you. After all, if you ask about it, shouldn't I be able to also?

Sex Life
Yes, I have sex. Yes, I have no qualms  talking about it. But yes, it is awkward when the people who created me start discussing my sex life. It's just awkward. I don't ask how I came to be, because I don't need that mental image. Please don't ask me how you got a grandchildren or if Jason "got lucky" when the kids were away.

I really do love all of my family, and I know they mean no harm when they pry into subject areas that they shouldn't or do things (like bathing while FaceTiming). I rationalize all of their shortcomings by telling myself that since I'm pretty much the baby of all my families (for the most part), everyone who I'm related to is pretty damn old. Old people say and do pretty obnoxious and inappropriate things. Don't worry dear family, I'll find you a good home!

Saturday, November 1, 2014

Dinner......It's What's For Dinner

Feeding children is on the list of things I love right up there with cleaning toilets. It's necessary but equally annoying and always messy!

When Dayton came to us at 3 1/2 years old, he literally only ate chicken nuggets and macaroni and cheese. No fruits. No vegetables. Well this mama isn't a short order cook, nor do I have any desire to be one. After speaking with our wonderful pediatrician I adopted the, "This is what we are having or you are going to be hungry," style of parenting and haven't looked back.

Today for example, Dayton only wanted the charms out of his Lucky Charms. Refused his milk. Refused his banana. Ehhhh that's ok, milk is expensive, so if I can save it for the next meal, heck why not!

Lunch was left over chili. He hates chili. But everyone else was having it, so he was going to have it to. He picked out the crackers that weren't completely covered in chili and ate those, but that was all. Also, he wouldn't drink his water. Man, a rough day for him!

Needless to say, he was happy that snack was a granola bar and water. Both were gone in 2 seconds flat. But dinner was chicken pot pie, mashed potatoes and a clementine. He sucked every last drop of juice from the clementine and drank his water, but that was all. Some days it sucks to suck, but I don't care if his tummy is growling when he goes to bed. He was offered meals, he just didn't "like" what it was. Not sure why he didn't like it considering it never went near his mouth.

If I was a betting person, I would say that tomorrow morning I could serve him almost anything and he will gobble it down.

Unless a child has an actual eating disorder, they aren't going to starve themselves. They WILL eventually eat what you are offering. I was told many times, as long as he gets one good meal every 3 days or so, he'll be fine. When it comes to power of wills, I will always win. Call it the competitive side of me.

So moms out there, stop catering to your children. The world isn't going to cater to them, so don't give them that false hope. I refuse to be the mom at the big family dinner with the kid that says, "I don't eat this," to my family that has worked for hours to prepare a meal. You will eat or you will sit there with your mouth shut and be hungry. You will not get a different meal. I will not stop and get you something else. And when we get home, you will go to bed with your stomach growling.

And I've heard so many times, "If I don't make them something else, they will be hungry." Good. Let them be hungry. Let them know that you aren't their servant and I'm sure they will find something on their plate they will eat.

Now do the kids ALWAYS eat what we eat. No, let's be real. When Jason and I are eating steaks that are too "fancy" (aka expensive) for them to waste, they get PB&Js, but except for those rare occasions, they get what we are having.

To all the mom's that are currently short order cooks, throw your Waffle House uniform away, and toughen up your babies! They can eat that meals they "want" when they are old enough to buy the groceries, cook it and clean it up, until then, you are the head chef and they will eat what's served!

Monday, October 27, 2014

You Have One Kid.....That's Cute

DISCLAIMER: I have a lot of friends that only have one child and I love them and their offspring unconditionally. I also have not witnessed from them what I am about to describe.

Here's a bit of background on what led up to our day today. All three boys went to my mom's house Thursday night and stayed through Sunday afternoon as a birthday present to me. It was wonderful. Jason and I went out a lot and were barely home. Add all factors together, come Monday morning we had no groceries and were in the beginning stages of the grandparent deprogramming. Oh and the kids didn't get to bed till after 9pm on Sunday due to our drive......they are normally asleep by 7:30pm.

So after we sent the oldest off to school, the 2 little ones and I head into town. We went to the chiropractor, Sam's Club and finally.......Hy-Vee. The kids were nearly perfect at our first two stops, but that third one gets me every time!

I gave both kids a snack before we went inside and checked diapers. I was doing all of my "preventative tantrum" steps. We were doing well.............. until we hit aisle 1. While stocking up on the necessary canned goods and listening to the screaming of one boy trying to choke out the other, I noticed up ahead was a very pregnant woman and her toddler. She gave me a very judgy glance over her shoulder as I was yelling, "Sit down and stop trying to kill each other!" In the words of Taylor Swift, I just had to "Shake It Off!"

We conveniently ran into the same woman in the cereal aisle. I painted on a smile, while inside I was throat punching her for the constant, "control your children" glares she was giving me. This continued ALL THE WAY TO THE CHECK OUT! We literally were confronted in every aisle, even after I purposely skipped a couple and back tracked a bit. Her look of disgust was intensified with each encounter. Honestly though, I was happy that my kids were still alive and that one hadn't been thrown from the cart yet.

So to the woman with the one child in her cart, you have 2 options that are considered acceptable if we ever are so lucky to meet again. You can either A. Keep your eyes to the ground or B. Laugh. Yes, laugh, and say, "I'm scared shitless for when this second one gets here." Because lady, you should be scared. One is a piece of cake, well I can only imagine it is, because I never got the pleasure of only have one child in the beginning. Add in more than one, and your world is going to be flipped upside down!

And for mother's of one, enjoy the hell out of it, but please be considerate of large families in the following situations:

-Target. Do NOT take the cart that holds 3 children for your ONE child. Target only keeps 2 of those carts on hand and it's like winning the lottery when I can score one of those. I don't care if your kid thinks it is fun to ride in it. I'm half tempted to go psycho on the next mom I see take that cart when she sees me walking in with my herd.

-Doors. Hold the fucking door open for me please! A double stroller is difficult enough to maneuver, so have some common courtesy please.

-Expanding Family. I dare you to make some sort of comment about my uterus, sanity, my husband's penis or our knowledge of the birds and bees. It is none of your business whether we decide to be done with 3 kids or have more. So......keep your damn mouth shut.

Ahhhhh that felt good. I've been wanting to write this for awhile, and today's events helped to add fuel to my fire!

Layne out at the ranch this past weekend!

Saturday, October 25, 2014

Older and Wiser?

Today is my birthday. The big 2-6! I'm officially on the downhill slide to 30! I like to think as I get older, I'm getting wiser, but I don't honestly think that is true. I think I just care less than I did before. I've been comparing 21 to 26 in my head the last couple of days. So here is my brain vomit.

At 21 I could drink with the big boys and wake up the next morning feeling like a champ. Now 1 glass of wine will guarantee a 2 day hangover.

I'm lucky to get out of yoga pants 2 times a week, 5 years ago I wouldn't have been caught dead in yoga pants in public. I would only wear "hip" or "cute" clothes, I literally am laughing out loud as I write this, because I think what is considered "in" right now, is fucking ugly.

We had just started trying for a baby this time 5 years ago. I would have never thought that I would have a 4, 2 and almost 1 year old by my 26th birthday.

At 21 I hated my body, all size 4/6 of it. Now, I'm just hoping to get back down to single digit jean sizes by the time I'm 30! If I could go back and talk to my 21 year old self, I would tell myself to walk around naked as much as possible, make sex tapes, and take dirty pictures. Shit IS NOT the same at 26!

Clean freak would be an understatement of a term for how I was when I was 21. With the "wisdom" I've gained, I realize that the plates and forks in the sink will still be there tomorrow, and my worrying about everything being picture perfect annoys the hell out of my husband!

I LOVED my Volkswagen Passat  that I had in college! It was my baby! I'm a Honda van mom now.........something I never thought I would stoop to, but the perk of being able to pack 8 people into it when necessary is awesome!

-Car Cleaning
On the rare occasion I would actually clean my car out 5 years ago, I would spend hours in the driveway unloading my closet worth of clothes from the back seat and trash that should have been thrown away weeks ago before meticulously polishing and conditioning everything. Now on the rare occasions I clean my car out, I throw away diapers I forgot about and empty out my kids' socks from the backseat, before taking it to someone else to detail it for me.

I wanted to be everyone's friend at 21. I thought that if I didn't have a boatload of friends than something was wrong with me. Now......I don't give a shit. I have 4-5 REALLY good friends and some people that I consider friends, but rarely see. My "wise" thoughts on this, if they don't make an effort to talk to me or see me than fuck it, I'm not going to be the one to chase them down every time.

21 year old me was all about partying and getting crazy. 26 year old me shipped the kids off to grandma's and is doing dinner with friends!

This is one thing that I don't think has changed. I still love and appreciate my husband. I do think that with each year we learn to appreciate our time together more and enjoy the everyday things that we do together with the kids. Our marriage is like a fine wine, getting better each year!

I don't have a problem with birthdays, although 30 does scare me a bit, but I always say that it is better to have a birthday than not (which would mean I was dead). So here is to being 26 years older and wiser!

This is Jason and I at Corky Canvas celebrating with some friends! 

Thursday, October 23, 2014

The Debacle of Family Pictures

Any parent who says, "Family pictures are a great time," are fucking liars. They are terrible and I don't care who you are.

On Tuesday we got our pictures taken. We went to a photographer that several of our friends had used, and their pictures turned out great. So naturally, I thought this would be great! And yes, the photographer was SO sweet and amazing.......my family on the other hand, not so much.

I would compare getting our clan's family pictures taken to what it would be like to herd cats high on catnip.....fucking impossible!

We were doing fall pictures, after all it is October. So I had everyone dressed in jeans, boots and long sleeve sweaters, and it just so happened to be 70 some flippin' degrees out!

The photographer started in the studio and tried to capture a picture of all 3 boys together, a picture we have NEVER gotten.........and probably still won't! Layne sat there like a champ, didn't move an inch.....also didn't smile either! Our 2 year old REFUSED to sit, and if he did he only wanted to show us his back, awesome! Then there was our 4 year old, the one I was worried about most. He smiled and stayed still, except he apparently lost his spine in the car and could only get his picture taken if he was laying down.....on his back.

"Sit together, and play with the kids. Make them laugh." This translated to have my hair pulled, eyes poked and try to wrestle kids so that you can still see their face in a picture. Oh, AND try to keep a smile on my own face while hiding my double chin. Quite the impossible task.

Then we went outside, in our fall clothes, in the fucking hot ass weather, or what at least felt hot. The photographer had us try to get a picture of all 3 kids again sitting along this brick wall. There were no fences around and a busy street just a hop and a skip away. I was going to lose a child for sure. And to top it off, I put Layne down only to have him grab a used cigarette from off the ground. Awesome!

We moved to a grassy area that appeared free of used needles and cigarettes. Here we tried to get individual shots. HA! Layne wouldn't smile for all it was worth. Not even a slight grin. Our 2 year old ran the entire freaking time, back and forth, back and forth! Unless she got one of him on the move, that was a wash. Then our spineless 4 year old laid in the grass, smiled and laughed the whole time. Well at least someone was cooperative!

For our last shot, we had to climb (with all 3 children) onto this shady ass poured cement ledge and try to get everyone to smile for a family shot. Through my husband's gritted teeth I hear, "This is fucking stupid, and I didn't wear these jeans to sit on fucking poured cement!" YAY, I'm so happy that everyone is happy!

Once that shot was over, we were walking back to the studio and the photographer asked if there were any other shots that we had to have that we didn't get
. I laughed, "Ummm no, everyone is checked out now."

I think the photographer could see the worry on my face when we were done. She reassured me that she got some good shots, but I won't see them for about 2 weeks. Wonderful! 2 weeks of wondering if I have to Photoshop a family picture together!

When we were done and I loaded all 4 of my cranky ass boys into the car, Layne started smiling and laughing hysterically! Seriously!?

Now by some small miracle there will be at least one good picture in the lot, and if there is, it will all be worth it. If there isn't, we aren't doing family pictures until everyone is out of diapers, and will follow directions.... so when they are 30...maybe!
One day I will get a picture this good, until then, I'll just look at Pinterest!